Control your thoughts

I happened upon a video this morning about how your thoughts control your feelings.  I thought it made such a good point that I was going to be lazy and just post the video link in this week’s blog and get on with my day.  BUT after the very good point came a very strong sales pitch.  I don’t like a strong sales pitch.  So, I choose not to share the video with you.  I’ll recap it for you…

 As I have posted, many times, your thoughts effect your feelings and your actions, so try to keep your thoughts positive.  That’s today’s message in a nutshell, grin. 

 This particular video addressed having your feelings hurt, by others.  We all know people who are sensitive and get their feelings hurt easily.  However, their feelings are hurt because they allow their thought process to be negative. 

 For example…

If someone comments that you aren’t very strong, and you happen to be a very fit and fairly strong person, you think, “They have no idea what they are talking about.”

 On the flip side, if someone comments that you aren’t very strong, and you are out of shape and aren’t very strong, you might think, “They are right, I’m a weakling.”  You might even take it to extremes and think, “I’m fat, weak, ugly, my hair is a mess, my outfit doesn’t look good.  I’m worthless.”

It wasn’t their words that hurt your feelings, it was your thought process after the words were said.

 The trick is to change your thought process. 

 For example:

If someone comments that you aren’t very strong, and you are out of shape and aren’t very strong, you could think, “It doesn’t matter what they think, I like me just the way I am.”  OR “Yeah, I’ve been thinking I need to get in shape.  It’s time to buckle down and take my health seriously.”  If they happen to be a good friend or family member, you may even ask them to work out with you.

 Yes, people can be jerks and some people enjoy saying mean things to push other people’s buttons and watch them get upset.  You don’t have to let them have that control over your thought process.  Find a way to keep your thoughts positive and you will discover your feelings aren’t being hurt as much and you have a more positive outlook on life.

 (Okay, here come MY really strong sales pitch)…

*PamHorton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

Have a great weekend!

Music and emotion

People enjoy all different kinds of music.  Many of us change our preferred music as we go through the changes of life.

 Personally, I was into Rock & Roll, then Disco, then Pop, then Country, and now Contemporary Christian music.  I never had any interest in Grunge, Punk, Rap, or Heavy Metal.  I know there are now a couple other genres that I have no clue what they really are (techno stuff). 

 With each of those different musical phases, I was at different life phases.  The music I listened to really spoke to me, emotionally, at each phase.  As my life changed, so did my taste in music.

 It’s funny, lately we have been watching docudramas of what some would consider “oldies” music (The Beach Boys and The Beatles).  As I type, Jim is watching something about the Grateful Dead.  I guess once a “Dead Head”, always a Dead Head.  I never really understood that music, but… to each his own.

 I bet if you think about it, you will recognize the different types of music you listened to grooved with the stage of life you were in.  Do you see how the music you listen to has changed from when you were in high school?  Or, perhaps it hasn’t. 

 Maybe you are a person who has been pretty steady in the way you live your life.  It could be you have had very little change as you have gotten older.  That could be absolutely fine, as long as you are happy in the lifestyle (and music) you are living.

 Some of you might be thinking about this and realizing you are listening to the same old music you’ve always listened to and you feel like you’re stuck in a rut.  We tend to adapt to our surroundings.  If our surroundings are not that great, we begin to feel our lives are not that great.  If you are listening to depressing or angry music and you find yourself unhappy and angry, it may be time to change your music.

 It’s amazing how something as simple as listening to more upbeat, positive, or relaxing music can impact your emotions. 

I happen to listen to Contemporary Christian music, almost exclusively.  It keeps my mind in the proper positive, peaceful, perspective.  Some days I find it very beneficial to my mindset. 

 If you’re thinking it’s time to change your mindset and find some new music, I highly recommend Contemporary Christian music.  But, maybe that’s not your thing.  Okay.  You could try Easy Listening, Cool Jazz, Classical (ick), or any number of other genres that could be kinder to your emotional mindset than what you may currently be listening too.

 Go ahead, change the station.  You might be pleasantly surprised.

*PamHorton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

One worn knee

I have recently noticed that all the pants I wear for substitute teaching are worn thin at the right knee.  Two even have small rips in them now.  It took me a little while to realize that my right knee is always the knee I put down when I get down to look a child in the face (which can be many times a day).

Once I became aware of it I tried to be conscious of putting my left knee down.  Can’t do it.  Well, I can, but it feels weird, so I switch back to the right knee.  Could I force myself to stay on the left knee?  Sure I could.  It would certainly help my pants last longer.  We’re talking about pants here though, and while I will have to replace three pairs of work pants this year I really don’t want to put the effort into trying to teach myself to put my left knee down.  In the grand scheme of things, it just doesn’t seem that important.

However… there are things that people do, automatically or without really realizing it, that would be worth the effort to try and change. Some of these things deal with physical health, mental health, and even the treatment of others.

How many people do you know who automatically

·         reach for a cigarette, one after another

·         grab a soda, instead of water

·         reach for an unhealthy snack because they are reading, or bored

·         complain about their life

·         find the negative in a situation

·         use a condescending tone of voice

·         sound irritated or angry

·         yell

·         or any other number of things

The way we treat ourselves, and others, can be damaging.  Some of us need to think about the things we do, or ask a close friend or relative if they have noticed things we may be doing, without even realizing it, that could be harmful.  There may be people who don’t have anything to be concerned about.  Lucky them!  There may also be people who need to concentrate on changing some things, so that they can live a better, longer, life.  Which one are you?

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

Memorial Day Weekend

I originally wrote this in 2012.  It received so many positive comments that I decided to repost it every year, just as it was written then.  God bless our troops and their families as we remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in service to our country.

Memorial Day Weekend

What will you be doing this weekend?   Attending a cookout, going on a picnic, boating, beachin’ it, maybe attending a parade?  Maybe you will be going to Washington, DC. to participate in the festivities (or more aptly put, the honoring of memories) and be lucky enough to see Rolling Thunder pass through.  http://dc.about.com/od/specialevents/a/RollingThunder.htm

Have we, as a nation, forgotten the true purpose of Memorial Day?  Do our children know what Memorial Day is really about? 

Memorial Day has become a weekend of fun for many families.  It has also become a day to remember anyone who has passed away.  I dare say, most families do not need a special day to remember a loved one who is no longer with them. 

As a reminder…  Memorial Day is a day to honor, and respectfully remember, those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country.   This is a great link about the history of Memorial Day - http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html.

This year is especially dear to my family.  You see, our son is in the Army.  Two soldiers from his platoon did not return from their deployment, about six months ago.  I know those men are never far from their buddies thoughts, and I imagine this weekend may be tough for them.  My husband and I will be spending our time working on the yard and grilling out, here at home.  I can tell you though, that we will be remembering those brave souls who gave their lives so that we may continue to live in the land of the free.  We will offer up prayers for the family members, friends, and battle buddies who lost loved ones in the wars. 

Yes, America IS at war.  It may not seem like it here on US soil, but American service members put their lives on the line, every hour of every day, so that we may enjoy our freedom here in the good ole’ USA.  Not only are our deployed military losing their lives, but many of our troops here at home lose the battle of struggling to survive with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  The unseen wounds of war continue to take a toll on our returning veterans.

Did you know the President passed a resolution in 2000 about a moment of silence on Memorial Day?  I don’t think I knew that.  I came across it in my research for this blog.  Here it is - http://www.usmemorialday.org/Speeches/President/may0200.txt

In short, it calls for a moment of silence at 3PM on each Memorial Day.

I do not mean to take away anyone’s fun.  I apologize if this blog has been a downer.  It is meant to be an eye-opener, a reminder.  Yes, ENJOY your long weekend, but please do take a moment at 3PM on Monday to remember those who gave all, and those who live on without them.

Let me leave you with one more link.  It’s a video, it’s been around before.  It’s a tearjerker, but it’s a great video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gfnmDGk0KM

Have a great weekend!  HOOAH!

Why am I awake?!

The short answer is… because my husband’s alarm went off and he didn’t wake up to shut it off before it woke me up. 

I looked at the clock and turned over, knowing I didn’t have to get up for another hour.

Why am I awake?  The real answer to my question is that my brain kicked in.

Yup, you know the feeling.  Lying in bed with every intention of going to sleep when those pesky thoughts of the day ahead start running through your brain.  Try as you might, they won’t stop and you can’t get to sleep.

Often times, people’s brain’s kick in just when they are starting to go to sleep, or, even worse, in the middle of the night.  I thought I’d give you a few tips for getting back to sleep when that happens to you…

·         Concentrate of your breathing.  Literally say to yourself, “In”, “Out”, as you breathe each direction.  It gives your mind something to think about and is so boring you will eventually drift off.

·         I read that keeping your hands and feet warm (not hot) will help you sleep.  The article suggested putting on a pair of socks.  I know, if I wake up cold, and put on socks, I go right back to sleep.  Might be worth a try!

·         If you’ve been trying to sleep for 30 minutes with no success – get up.  Lying in bed thinking about the fact you are not falling asleep doesn’t help matters.

·         Some studies say that a small amount of carbs can help you sleep.  On those rare occasions that I struggle getting to sleep, I get up, get a ½ a slice of bread (plain – nothing on it), and eat that while reading for 30mins or so.  It seems to “reset” my system and I can usually drift right off, upon returning to bed.

Luckily for me, it was almost time to get up anyway.  So, I gave up on the indulgent idea of going back to sleep, got up, grabbed some coffee, and embraced the day.  I hope you are able to embrace your day, today, as well.

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

Everyone Starts at the Beginning

Remember learning how to ride a bike, or roller skate, or swim?  Maybe for you it was learning to write your numbers and letters, or type on a keypad, or use a smart phone.  We could even take it to the very basics of learning to walk and talk, we all had to do that.

The point is, everyone starts at the beginning of something.  When you learn something new, you aren’t an expert, you’re a beginner. 

Some people get embarrassed about their inability to achieve perfection when they are first learning something.  There is absolutely no need for embarrassment.  Chances are, the person teaching you was in the same situation you find yourself in… a beginner… learning to become better.

Of course, the flip side of that is some people get frustrated when they are partnered with a beginner.  They seem to have forgotten that everyone starts at the beginning, even them.  These folks tend to get upset when paired with a newbie in a sporting event, because they are so focused on winning.  They might get angry having to wait behind someone who is using some technology equipment, because they are in a hurry, or just plain impatient.

Sometimes it helps to remind them that they had to learn it at one time, too.

If you are dealing with a beginner, in whatever capacity, here are a few tips to help alleviate their embarrassment and your frustration…

·         Be patient

·         Be kind

·         Explain things as often as needed

·         Check for understanding

·         Ask if they have any questions

·         Let them try it

·         Assist them, don’t do it for them

·         Take it at their pace, not yours

·         Gently guide and encourage

·         Expect beginner level results

·         Remember that you were once a beginner

If you are just learning something, give yourself some time.  Most people don’t become experts overnight, or even in a week, or possibly a month.  Remember, everyone starts at the beginning, and practice makes perfect.

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

Keeping Commitments

“Will you keep this commitment?” I think this is a valid question.  I find that people can’t, don’t, or won’t keep the commitments they have made.  Whether it’s to a

·         spouse

·         job

·         organization

·         parent

·         child

·         or friend

Many times people seem to have a hard time keeping a commitment.

Let’s take a look at the definition of commitment…

a pledge or promise; obligation.  Also, engagement; involvement
Dictionary.com says the word is a noun, (so it’s a thing, which means it requires an action). 
You make a pledge or a promise which then obligates you to engagement or involvement.

Okay, I’ll agree with that.  Perhaps even more simply put… A commitment is actually doing what you said you were going to do.

You know, I’ll be the first one to say that “life happens.”  Things come up and they are in conflict with another commitment we have made.  That’s when priorities comes into play.  I will also be the first one to say “family first,” meaning that my family takes priority.  However, that is still not an excuse not to honor your commitment.

Here are some steps to follow if you discover a conflict in your schedule…

·         Let someone know ASAP

·         Try to get someone to cover for you

·         Ask for assistance in getting someone to cover for you

·         Cancel your commitment well ahead of the day and time it is to happen

It is certainly understandable when emergencies happen that you have to cancel, even at the last minute.  Please make sure that you, or someone you’ve asked to help you, let’s all people involved know the event has been cancelled.

I see absolutely no reason that something a person has known about for days, or longer, gets cancelled at the last minute.  Or, that people just drop out of a commitment, or even worse, are a no call/no show for no reason other than they didn’t feel like it.   Yup, pet peeve.

One last comment, if you aren’t positive you can keep the commitment to ____(fill in the blank)____ at least 90% of the time, don’t make it!  It’s tough on relationships when you let people down.

Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*