Compromise

It amazes me how many people have to have things their way or no way.  What ever happened to the art of compromise? 

 Dictionary.com says compromise, as a verb, means to “settle a dispute by mutual concession.”

 Mutual concession = two, or more, sides giving in just a little, to bring about an agreeable conclusion.   Sometimes, one side will give in more than another, but if that is agreeable to all parties to make the deal work, then it’s still a compromise.

 The willingness, and ability, to compromise can be very useful.  You can compromise with a

·         Spouse

·         Child

·         Sibling

·         Family member

·         Friend

·         Co-worker

·         Boss

·         Neighbor

·         Or total stranger

You never know when the need to compromise may come up.

 Just this past weekend, Jim gave in BIG TIME.  We have been pet free for about 5 years now.  It’s certainly nice to have that freedom.  Every now and then I’d see FaceBook posts of cats for adoption.  He’s been saying “No” for a long time.  Then our daughter-in-law started fostering kittens.  Yup, just made me want one more.  I kept dropping hints and comments, but Jim was pretty adamant that we remain pet free.

 A couple of months ago I restated, “I would like another cat.”  Jim’s reply was, “I want a Corvette.”  I told him that we could get a cat and NAME it Corvette.  HAHA.  His comment made me wonder if he was warming up to the idea, though.  So, I kept dropping hints.

 A couple of weeks ago, there was a national “Clear the Shelter” day, when many shelters and rescues would waive their adoption fees.  I kept sharing the info to my FB page, and tagging Jim.  He was a good sport about it.  Finally, the day before the big event came and we had to discuss the topic of getting a cat.  Much to my surprise, he let me go and pick one out!  And guess who that silly cat prefers?!  Yup, Jim. HAHA.

 You never know when a little patience, persistence, and compromise might make everyone involved acceptable to an idea.  Oh, did I mention… we named the cat Cora, short for CORA VETTE (get it?).  I love my husband! (Although I did see him looking at some car sites online. Hmmm…)

 Try not having a “winner” or “loser” in a conflict situation.  Compromising can be the “not perfect” answer.  After all, who among us is perfect?  We can often be happy with good enough or almost perfect.  So, give a little.  You’d be surprised what it can do for a relationship

*Pam and Jim are Certified Marriage Mentors.  

                    

Stop bundling

I do not understand all the hatred in the world!  People hate someone because of

·         Skin color

·         ancestral background

·         ethnicity

·         job

·         religion

·         culture

·         weight

·         intelligence

·         wealth

·         and more

 Why?

Am I better than you, or you better than me, because of the way we look, the way we were raised, or our chosen career path?

If you had to take a minute to think about this, you are part of the problem.  The answer is NO!

Now, if you harmed me (or my family) in some fashion (physical, emotional, socially, etc.)  I would certainly have an issue with you, but I would not take that issue and transfer it to everyone who is similar to you.  That’s ridiculous.

To hate, dislike, discriminate, (whatever word you choose) an entire group of people because a few of their numbers are extremists is not the way to live your life.  Hate only breeds hate.  How can we make a better world for our kids/grandkids if we continue to teach them to hate their fellow man/woman?

Remember Romeo and Juliet?  They were sworn enemies because of the families they were born in to.  A tragic ending for a silly reason.

How about the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s?  Same thing.  Generations of hatred just because of who the family was, not who the individual people were.

The Civil War and the German extermination of Jewish people are more examples of hatred of an entire group of people.

At the risk of being politically incorrect, are the above well know rivalries any more tragic than the things we hear in the news these days?

·         White’s hate Blacks

·         Blacks hate Southerners

·         Americans hate Muslims

·         Poor people hate rich people

·         ISIS hates everybody who is not like them

·         And many more scenario’s that you could add here.

Except for the ISIS statement, the rest of these are blanket statements that are just ridiculous.  Yes, there are SOME people who are complete jerks, but to lump an entire group of people like them together and start hating the entire group is just wrong.  We should not be judging an entire group of people on the actions of a few.

As Donnie Osmond sang, “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, Girl.”  I suppose if you leave the bad apple in the barrel, it will affect those around it and spoil them, too.  That’s still just one barrel.  But, take heed, if you are hanging around with people who are spewing hatred it would be a good idea to distance yourself from them.  As speaker Jim Rohn says, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”  So, unless you want to become an extremist stay as far away from hate filled people as you can.

Less hatred in this world should be a goal for everyone. 

1 Corinthians 13:13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

While waiting in line

I was a part of two different lines today with two very different outcomes.

 I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, waiting, sigh.  In the express line next to my line, an elderly couple rolled up.

 I had seen them in the aisles and thought what a sweet couple.   The man was riding a motored cart and his wife was holding on to a rope (which had been wrapped around the motored cart) and being pulled behind him in her wheelchair.  He had the basket that was part of the cart and she was holding a small hand carry basket in her lap.  I thought, what a devoted pair they must be.

 When they pulled up in the line next to mine the same thought crossed my mind.  I smiled and continued waiting, sigh.  After looking at the time on my phone, I looked up to see a woman who was two carts ahead of me in line had loaded her items on the conveyor belt and stepped over to the next line to assist the elderly couple with the unloading of their baskets.  I was so impressed, and a little embarrassed that I hadn’t thought to do that.  Good for her!

 Moving forward in time, I was in a car line, waiting for the light to turn green.  This red car passed me to get into the right hand lane.  That lane turns into a right turn only lane, but there are plenty of people who get into that lane only to try to get ahead of the people going straight by cutting back into the straight line in front of people.  Argh.  I believe intentionally cutting in a car line is just as rude as cutting in front of people standing in a line.

 Of course, someone ahead of me let the red car cut in. Sigh. I went back to singing to the radio, and shortly found myself directly behind the red car that had passed me.  We come to another red light.  This time with two left hand turn lanes with the right lane turning into a right turn only lane.  Yup, the red car pulled into the lane that will end up having to go right.  The light turns green, she speeds up and cuts back into the lane that goes straight, about five cars ahead of me.  Okay, if we give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she had an emergency.  I happen to think this is just her standard way of driving.  The “me” first mentality.

 Would you rather see the “you first” behavior of the lady who helped the elderly couple, or the “me first” behavior of the lady in the red car?  I know how I would answer that.

 Now think for just a minute… would you rather BE the “you first” behavior of the lady who helped the elderly couple, or the “me first” behavior of the lady in the red car? 

 I hope you would prefer the “you first” behavior. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all preferred the “you first” behavior?  Something to think about.

  *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

The Drama Train

I have written about drama before… http://newdirectionlifecoaching.com/strife-happens/ … but I see it often.

 Over-reacting or overly dramatic responses can ruin any occasion, whether it’s a

·         Family event

·         Friendly get together

·         Typical day at the office

·         School day

·         Phone call

 Once someone makes the leap from “cool and collected” to “overly dramatic,” things start to go downhill.  Depending on the other people involved, things may even escalate.  Much like the phrase, “Misery loves company,” people who love drama will quickly jump on the “drama train” and ride it as far as it will go.

 Those of us who prefer not to be involved in drama often, very wisely, just walk away from the situation and let it run its course without us.  I recently observed a couple of situations that started to get a little crazy.  I saw one young man, at both instances, sitting off to the side.  The first day, I walked by him and said “Wise man.”  He just grinned.  The second day, I said “Wise man, again.”  He smiled and said “Yup.”

 What about the times when the drama train gets rolling and someone yanks you onto it?   You really only have two choices…

1.       Join the fray and ride the drama train to the end

2.       Look for the first available opportunity to get off

 Let’s talk about option two, because, if you’re someone who enjoys drama, you’re cool with option one.

 Here are a few ways you can get out of the middle of a dramatic situation…

·         Decide to try to calm down the people involved, although this could backfire, focusing on areas of agreement

·         Offer to take one party somewhere else until everyone has calmed down

·         Walk away, literally, just refuse to engage; unless of course you are responsible for the outcomes

I try to avoid drama whenever possible.  I find my life to be much less stressful that way. 

 *Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*