Not showing up

I have written on the topic of promise, agreements, commitments before, but I still find all too often that people think nothing of just not showing up for something they said they’d show up for.  I find it very frustrating. 

 Posting this as a reminder to keep your commitments (and if you don’t think you can follow through and show up, then don’t agree to it).  When you don’t show up it not only makes you look bad, but it makes others feel bad.  The holiday season is a busy time.  Plan your time wisely and then, follow through with the commitments that you made.

 “Will you keep this commitment?”  

I think this is a valid question.  I find that people can’t, don’t, or won’t keep the commitments they have made.  Whether it’s to a

•             spouse

•             job

•             organization

•             parent

•             child

•             or friend

Many times people seem to have a hard time keeping a commitment.

 Let’s take a look at the definition of commitment…

a pledge or promise; obligation.  Also, engagement; involvement

Dictionary.com says the word is a noun, (so it’s a thing, which means it requires an action). 

You make a pledge or a promise which then obligates you to engagement or involvement.

 Okay, I’ll agree with that.  Perhaps even more simply put… A commitment is actually doing what you said you were going to do.

 You know, I’ll be the first one to say that “life happens.”  Things come up and they are in conflict with another commitment we have made.  That’s when priorities comes into play.  I will also be the first one to say “family first,” meaning that my family takes priority.  However, that is still not an excuse not to honor your commitment.

 Here are some steps to follow if you discover a conflict in your schedule…

•             Let someone know ASAP

•             Try to get someone to cover for you

•             Ask for assistance in getting someone to cover for you

•             Cancel your commitment well ahead of the day and time it is to happen

 It is certainly understandable when emergencies happen that you have to cancel, even at the last minute.  Please make sure that you, or someone you’ve asked to help you, let’s all people involved know the event has been cancelled.

 I see absolutely no reason that something a person has known about for days, or longer, gets cancelled at the last minute.  Or, that people just drop out of a commitment, or even worse, are a no call/no show for no reason other than they didn’t feel like it.   Yup, pet peeve.

 One last comment, if you aren’t positive you can keep the commitment to ____(fill in the blank)____ at least 90% of the time, don’t make it!  It’s tough on relationships when you let people down.

 Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

 

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

Reflections of Thankfulness

My typical Turkey Day has always been crazy busy with cooking and socializing.  So much so that I probably never took the time I should have to truly reflect on the reason for the day.  Thanksgiving is a day to stop our busy lives and reflect on all the blessings we have and be truly thankful for them.  Yes, we should do this every day, but – let’s face it – most of us don’t.  This year I made time to reflect. It brought me to tears as I considered all my many blessings.  I will not go into great detail here, but here are some of the major highlights…

Life.  I wake up every morning and put my feet on the floor.  Some days are better than others, but every day is a new day, a day that I am alive, a day that I can make a difference in somebody’s life, even if it’s just a friendly smile.

God.  I have a personal relationship with God.  I do not know Him intimately, who can know Him as He is infinite, but I have friendship and fellowship with Him and I love Him dearly.  It is this personal relationship that allows me to get through those days that may not be so easy.  It allows me to give my troubles up to Him and receive a sense peace in return.  It can take my breath away as I ponder it.

Family. They say you can’t pick your family. Ah, but truly, I am blessed.  I know too many families that have issues of jealously, greed, pettiness, and grudges.  Forgiveness is key in these situations, but that old pride gets in the way all too often and some families never enjoy a peaceful, loving relationship.  My family is wonderful, I’m not talking just hubby & kids (and grandkids – who bring me such joy) but even my parents, brother and extending family (yes my in-laws – shocking isn’t it, haha).  I have been truly blessed with a loving family.

Friends.  I have many acquaintances but few friends.  This is by choice.  Being an Army brat, we moved a lot and you tend to guard your heart from the pain of leaving dear friends.  Of course, my husband is my best friend, but I have others that I have allowed into my life.  Guess what?  They don’t judge me, they just accept me for the goofy person I am.

Freedom.  Ok, the USA has its issues, BUT I would still rather live here than anywhere else!  There are some states I prefer to others (like the warm/sunny ones) but all in all, we have a freedom in this country that no one else enjoys.  Sometimes I think people misuse those freedoms, but that is just my personal opinion. The fact is they have those freedoms.  I will put the military in this category too.  One of my favorite t-shirts says, “If you love your freedom, Thank A Vet.”

Oh, I could go on & on, but I won’t.  I hope that you had some time to reflect on what you are thankful for.  Please feel free to post them here. 

The world is your ashtray

Many years ago, before people really understood the dangers of smoking…

·         lots of people smoked cigarettes.

·         cars had ashtrays, sometimes multiple ashtrays.

·         people emptied their ashtrays into a trash bag and threw the bag in a trash can.

 WHAT?!  Cars had ashtrays?

They sure did.  There was always one in the front console.  There was often one in the back console, for those riders in the back seat.  Some vehicles even had ashtrays in the arms rests!

The ashtrays could be popped out, so they could be emptied and the cigarette butts thrown away.

 Sometime around 1980, people started getting lazy.  I can remember being at a store parking lot and seeing where someone had dumped their ashtray out on the ground beside their car and driven off.  What a disgusting mess.

 Of course, cigarettes then became persona non grata (so to speak) and smoking was frowned upon. Second hand smoke became a big deal and it was made illegal to smoke in many public places.  It started with designated smoking areas, but now I think people just go outside anywhere for a quick butt.  (*Please note, I’m not saying I disagree with all the regulation about smoking.  Smoking is bad for your health.  I’m just giving a slight timeline of how the world became your ashtray.)

 As less and less people were smokers, passengers in cars didn’t want the drivers smoking with the windows up.  And here is where the world became your ashtray.  When people are smoking with their window down, and they finish the cigarette, what do most people do?  That’s right.  They flick the butt away from their car onto the ground.  Many people who are outside smoking, just flick their cigarette on the ground.  It’s become SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) and it’s disgusting.

 I get really annoyed when I find cigarette butts on my lawn.  I get nervous when I am driving by someone who flicks their butt out and it comes close to the open window of MY car.

 I’d like to say its pure laziness, but I don’t think my car has an ashtray.  Maybe to cut down on people smoking automobile manufacturers quit installing them?  Of course, there’s no excuse for people outside to just fling their butts.  Maybe they should have “butt stations” or public ashtrays, like they have “dog poop stations.” 

 While looking for information on how long it takes the filter of a cigarette to decompose (18 months to 10 years) I found this great article about how cigarette butts are polluting the earth.  Check it out… https://www.verywell.com/world-cigarette-litter-facts-that-will-shock-you-2824735

It's Veteran’s Day

Nationally, we set aside November 11^th to honor veterans every year.

What IS a veteran?

The dictionary states: A veteran is a person who has had long service or experience in a particular occupation or field.

Typically, when we think of a veteran, we think of a military veteran.  So what is a military veteran?

FEDERAL DEFINITION: under Federal Law a VETERAN is any person, who served honorably on active duty in the armed forces of the United States. (Discharges marked GENERAL AND UNDER HONORABLE CONDITIONS also qualify.)

What is the purpose of Veteran’s Day?

Veterans Day is a celebration to honor America's veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

People often remember those who gave their lives for our country on Veteran’s Day.  That is a very sweet thing to do, however we have set Memorial Day aside as a day to remember our service members who gave the ultimate sacrifice.  Veteran’s Day is to honor the living and thank the members of our armed forces for their willingness to lay down their lives for the lives of others.

{John 15:13. (KJV).Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.}

Of course, we really should be remembering our heroes, both dead and alive every day, not just on their “designated day.”

Along with the members of our armed forces, I would suggest that we remember and honor the sacrifices their families make every day.  A military family is a different breed. 

·         They know the very real fear that their loved one may not return form a deployment.

·         Most move every three years, making it difficult to maintain long term friendships.

·         Home is where you happen to be sleeping that night.  A hotel is “home” when you’re on vacation.

·         There is pride for our country not often evident in today’s society.

·         The National Anthem can make them cry (and they would never consider talking while it is being played).

Oh, I could go on.  You see, I am a military family member.  My dad and youngest son are Veterans.  I have many friends who are veterans and military family members.  Yes, we are a different breed – and proud of it!  Grin.

November 11^th is Veteran’s Day.  The month of November is National Military Family Appreciation Month.  I would like to personally thank all of our veterans – and their families. 

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Stress Management Coach, working with military families.*

What are you silently telling everyone?

Your non-verbal body language speaks loud and clear.  From the driver who aggressively flipped the bird at the car in front of me, to the very subtle tweak of an eyebrow by the person eavesdropping on a conversation… What are you silently telling everyone?

 I might even suggest that non-verbal communication is more effective than verbal communication. 

 Our non-verbal, autistic, 9-year old grandson has recently learned very directive pointing.  He can’t say what he wants but he points and then looks at you intently.  Even if you were not looking at him, the intensity of his eyes on you would get you to feel as though someone were looking at you, or trying to get your attention, and you would look around to see who was looking at you.  Then you could see wat he was pointing at.  Silent, but effective.

 The guy flipping the bird and the pointing finger of our grandson are both very obvious body language clues. The subtle eyebrow tweak, may have been done without the “tweaker’s” knowledge.

 I often tell people I would never be good at playing poker.  My thoughts are all over my face.  We recently had a contractor over to give us ideas on a different master bathroom setup.  At one suggestion, the guy said, “judging by the look on your wife’s face, I’m guessing that’s a no.” HA HA!  I had not meant to convey that opinion, but I thought it, and my face, obviously, showed it.

 Let’s think about some obvious non-verbal communications…

·         Smiling

·         Frowning

·         Scowling

·         Making the gagging action

·         Crossed arms

·         Open arms

·         Stomping

·         Thumbs up

·         High five

·         Shaking your head yes or no

·         Making eye contact, or not

·         Waving (a gentle “hi” or a frantic “HELP”)

·         Sign Language

There are many body motions and/or facial expressions that can silently tell everyone what you’re thinking.

 We have to be careful how our actions are seen.  I once made a motion with my hand crossing in front of my throat – the one that I believe typically means “cut” (meaning “stop”) and one little boy frantically asked if I was going to cut his throat.  AH!  No, that was not what I meant.  Guess he’d been watching scary movies.

 Like many of you, I need to be more aware of what my body language is telling people.  And, like many of you, I am a work in progress.  Let’s all work on being more aware of what we are silently telling everyone.

 *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian LifeCoach, in the Raleigh area.*

Connor telling Gramps he wants him to jump with him on the trampoline.