Blast from the past, still good advice!

This is a post I came across that is still very true today, except our oldest granddaughter is now 10!  I enjoyed the reminder of her young behavior...

A Little Encouragement Can Go A Long Way

Webster’s Dictionary states:  Encourage-vb  1. To make bold  2. To urge on  n-encouragement.

I really would have thought there would be more definitions for this.  I just feel that encouragement can be so many things, but I suppose it is as defined, just shown in many ways.

I’m sure you’ve noticed I love to use my two year old granddaughter as an example.  I have seen her little face go from determination to defeat, but with persistence it then goes to victory all in the span of about three minutes.  She will set out to accomplish something, open a container, reach an item on the counter, put a puzzle piece in, you know – that sorta thing.  She is trying so hard, but when it doesn’t happen quickly she will say “I can’t do it” and give up.  Depending on whether she’s had her nap that day or not, there are a couple different ways to handle this.  Let it go at “I can’t” and do it for her, to which she will usually reply “thank you.”  Ask her if she would like some help, which will either get a “yes, will you help me?” or a “no, I can’t do it – you do it.”  Or, encourage her to try again – especially if it is something I know she can do.  I tend to go the encouragement route, sometimes she may need a little help as well, but most times she just needs that verbal confirmation that I believe in her and think she can do it.  More times than not, with a halfway descent attempt, she can accomplish her goal… and when she does - oh the triumphant joy that comes across her face is picture worthy. 

That sense of accomplishment is such a wonderful feeling, it just bolsters you up and makes you puff up your chest and say “Wow – I did it!” 

Encouragement is not just for little children either.  School aged kids often need a little encouragement.  I remember being the last person on the softball team to strike out and lose the game, ugh.  That feels horrible.  The proper perspective on that may not be easily seen by someone wallowing in self pity because the whole team blames them.  A simple “you’ll get ‘em next time”  (followed by an ice cream – grin) can help out a lot.

Teens?  HA!  I remember trying to teach my older boy to drive a stick shift, which is the vehicle we had for him to drive.  Oh boy, the first time he tried it – stall… stall….. jerk, jerk, whiplash, stall.  That was it!  He jumped out of the car, slammed the door and yelled something about the stupid car. Chuckle.  That was it for that day, but we kept at it and I continued to tell him he could do it, he just needed to practice.  Now, yup – you guessed it – he drives a stick. Grin. 

How about adults?  Sure, we all could use some encouragement.  This article actually came about because two total strangers gave me some encouragement about my business last weekend.  One gentleman said to me, “Excellent.  Good job.  Keep working your passion.”  The other wrote, “Please keep up the good work.”  It’s nice to get some encouraging words about your work.

Well, I’m sure you get the point and I’ve gone on long enough.  Just remember your words can build someone up or tear them down, use them carefully.

Easily Offended

  Why is it that it seems people are more easily offended than they used to be? 

 Could it be that social media has allowed people to express themselves more than necessary?  It used to be if you wanted to recognize a special day, you sent someone a card.  Now we take the easy way out and make a general “post” to the world.  That certainly reaches more people, but it also leaves the door open to others expressing their opinion about your opinion.

 For example:

A couple years ago I posted to my social media pages “Happy Valentine’s Day!”  I received many nasty comments about how insensitive I was being to those who had recently broken up with their significant other, or who were single but searching.

Similar situations have occurred when I posted “Happy Mother’s Day” or “Happy Father’s Day.”

 I agree that those special days may not be filled with happy thoughts for some people, and they are allowed to feel however they choose about it.  I admit, though, that the negative comments have caused me to stop posting general special occasion posts (with the exception of Merry Christmas).  Yes, that is a choice I made, but why did I even have to make a choice?

 You know, it’s possible to see something on social media that you don’t agree with and keep scanning.  You do not have to comment on everything you see!  There is certainly no need to berate someone because they have a different opinion than yours.  Sure, Like, Love, Laugh, Sad, and Angry tabs are all right there for you to push on, but to take someone to task for wishing the community a “Happy Valentine’s Day” is really just trying to push your opinion on others.  Post your opinion on your page, and let others post their opinion on their page.  It really is that simple.

 If you want to use social media, post your sentiments directly to a person’s page, like you would for their birthday. Or, go back to the old fashioned way and help out the US Post Office.  Send your Valentine, Mother, Father, whoever a card, or give them a call, or both.  Everyone likes a card or a phone call, it’s more personal.

 You can continue to post general public well wishes for special occasion days, (perhaps you’re more brave than I am), but be prepared for those who are easily offended to point out why what you posted was insensitive to them and others.  Me?  I’ll send cards.

Race Relations

 I recently saw a documentary about race relations.  It was predominantly about the relationship between police officers and African-American men.

 Both groups acknowledged the problem and offered reasons that they exist, but few solutions were offered on how to change things for the better.

 I suppose there are decades of past problems that continue to be discussed among families and stories of “wrongs” get passed down and live on through children.  Feelings and beliefs get passed down as well as learned behavior.  However, people are not born hating each other.  Hatred is a learned behavior.

 I believe the question is, “How do we change the story?”

 Personally, I have not lived the life of a person of color (any shade).  I only have my life that I know and understand.  Someone recently told me they were studying the differences that culture has on children’s education.  I had never even considered that possibility!  I imagine that the way people are raised, at home, and their belief system could make their learning experience different, even in a diverse school setting.  Interesting don’t you think?

 I don’t believe myself to be a person who judges someone else by the color of their skin.  I even point out to people, during a conversation, if they are jumping to conclusions about someone because of their skin color, cultural upbringing, or religion.  Yes, there are similarities among people groups, but everyone is an individual.  You cannot judge a group by the actions of one person.  Remember the Osmond Brothers song… “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, girl.”

 We must stop the hatred.  We need to stop the fear.  We can stop the misunderstanding.  We have to find a way to move positively forward!

 Much as we expect politicians to “reach across the aisle” we should expect the same of ourselves.

How about…

·         Going out for coffee with a coworker and getting to know them better

·         Asking a neighbor over for dinner, or to watch a sports game on TV

·         Attend a different church than usual

 Getting to know people helps stop the misunderstanding, which should stop the fear, and could stop the hatred.

We will never break the stories of poor race relations without stopping the reasons for the stories of abuse by others to be passed down through families.

Responsibility

 The Oxford Dictionary states this definition, among others:

The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.

 I recently shared a video of Richard Pimentel telling the story of his Sergeant’s definition, and I love it! 

 Sergeant Parker asked, “Do we have the ability?”  Pimentel answered, “Yes.”

 Sgt. Parker continued, “Then what is our response?”

 What a great way to think of it!  Responsibility no longer feels like a burden.  It is a response you choose, based on your abilities.  How cool is that?!

 Rather than reinvent the wheel, or repeat the whole video (or plagiarize it), you can watch it HERE.

 I highly recommend taking 5mins out of your day to watch this.  It will challenge your thinking and make you smile.

 That’s what we like to do… help others move positively forward. Grin.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*