I can’t do it

There are many people with issues I would like to help them with.  But ya know what?  I can’t.  Oh, coming from a life coach, that doesn’t sound very encouraging, does it?  Let me explain…

 As a life coach, friend, mom, et al, I can suggest, encourage, direct, and even give someone the stink-eye, but if they don’t take action, nothing will happen.  You are the only one who can do anything about you.  I can’t do it for you.  No one can.

 As a mom, especially of grown children, I’m happy to help out.  But, there are some things our children have to do themselves, like…

·         Deciding who to vote for

·         Determining whether to have a family

·         Choosing what (if any) religious belief to follow

They are the only one who can make those decisions.   I can’t do it.

 As a friend, I’m happy to help out.  I’m often asked about marriage relationships, or parenting relationships, even my relationship with God.  These are all topics I am more than happy to listen, share my experience, and encourage my friends to find what works for them… and then act on it.  They are the only ones who can do anything about their situations.   I can’t do it for them.

 As a coach, it is my job to ask questions that get people thinking about things in a different way.  The answers are in you. Sometimes you just need a little help getting them to come to the surface and give you that AH-HA moment.  Once you have some answers, you set a plan of action, and I hold you accountable to do what you said you wanted to do.  If you are having success following your plan, I yell “YEA YOU!”  If you are struggling, I ask a few more questions and we tweak the plan and move forward.  Always positively forward.  BUT, you are the only one who can do anything about you.  I can’t do it for you.

 Are you detecting a pattern here?

 If you are the friend, or parent, trying to “fix things” for other people and feeling like you are letting them down.  Ease up on yourself.  There are some things people just have to do for themselves.  I know, it’s hard to watch people struggle, but until they have made the decision to change, nothing will change for them.

 If you are the person that people are always trying to change, ask yourself why.  Are you happy with how your life is going?  If so… keep on going.  If not… perhaps it’s time to decide to make a change.  I can’t do it, but YOU can.  The decision is yours.

  *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

Have fun with your kids

It snowed here Wednesday.  For some of you, your reaction might be, “Yeah, so what.”  For others, you might think, “Yippee!” Still more of you might be basking in the warm sunshine and swimming in a pool.  I know my readers are from all over the world, so I have no clue what your weather might be.

 My question is… what activities are you doing with your children?

 Here, where it snowed big, fluffy, wet, snowman making weather, I saw many adults out playing with their children.  While others were not.  Of course, there are a number of reasons people may have stayed inside with the kids.

• Someone was ill

• They aren’t physically capable to participate in outdoor activities

• There are very young (like newborn) and it was too cold

 Unfortunately, some were not outside because either the child and or parent didn’t want to go out, or the parent was too busy.

 I would suggest those last reasons are not good reasons.  Almost everyone needs fresh air and exercise daily, if they can manage it.  In the winter, if you’re not inside because of the snow, you could be inside because of the cold.  BUT, a big, fluffy, wet, snowman making day is the perfect opportunity to get outside, get some fresh air and exercise, and do something FUN with your kids!

 It’s all too easy to let kids watch TV, play video games, play with their friends, or play by themselves.  It’s a little more difficult, for some, to find the time to do an activity with their child.  Yet, it’s so important to make that time.  Kids need to have fun with their parents.  Yes, you are their parent, not their friend.  I know that, but kids need to feel that their parents not only love them, but like them enough to spend time with them.

 Take every opportunity to connect with your children.  If that means getting outside to build a snowman, do it.  It could mean sitting around the table playing a board game, or card game together.  I would suggest a mixture of indoor and outdoor activities is best.  That way you are engaging both physical and mental strengths.

 Trust me, your kids want to do fun things with you.  Have fun with your kids.

*Pam Horton is a certified Parenting Coach in the Raleigh area.

Black Panther

What ever could I be talking about?  It could be…

·         the animal.  According to Wikipedia: A black panther is the melanistic color variant of any big cat species. Black panthers in Asia and Africa are leopards (Panthera pardus), and those in the Americas are black jaguars (Panthera onca).

·         the gang (or “party” as they are now called). Wikipedia has an extremely long explanation of this.  It starts with “The Black Panther Party or the BPP (originally the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense) was a revolutionary socialist organization founded by Bobby Seale and Huey Newton in October 1966. The party was active in the United States from 1966 until 1982.”

·         The Marvel Comics movie. Wikipedia has an extremely long explanation of this as well. It starts with “Not to be confused with The Black Panther (1921 film) or The Black Panther (1977 film).   Black Panther is an upcoming American superhero film based on the Marvel Comics character of the same name. Produced by Marvel Studios and distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures, it is intended to be the eighteenth film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.” And goes on to say, “After the events of Captain America: Civil War, King T’Challa returns home to Wakanda. But when two enemies conspire to bring down the kingdom, T’Challa must team up, as the Black Panther, with CIA agent Everett K. Ross and members of the Dora Milaje—Wakanda's special forces—to prevent a world war.”

So, which one am I going to write about today?  You don’t know, do you?  There is absolutely no way to tell, based on the title, what my topic will be for this blog.

How dare you assume that I am promoting the actions of the BPP!  I’m not even promoting the movie, or the rapper who performed at the College Championship half time show.  See, even I know so little about him that I will have to look up his name… Kendrick Lamar.

To be honest, I didn’t watch the 1/2time show.  I went to bed. So, I can’t speak to how good, or bad, the show was, but I was appalled by the “hate talk” I saw coming from some of my Facebook friends the next morning.

People who assumed the mentions of Black Panther were about the BPP and just “went off” on “How could the SEC allow that man to promote the BPP?”  Wow.  Just Wow.  They had no idea what they were talking about.  I was very pleased when another friend, who had watched the show, corrected them. Politely, of course. 

It is so sad when people jump to conclusions, especially the wrong conclusions.  THINK people!  Do your research before you speak out, for or against anything or anyone.  This is the kind of behavior that perpetuates the tension in the country.  STOP it.

By the way, in case you were wondering… this blog is about …     

Isn’t she beautiful?  Dangerous, but beautiful. 

Assumptions can be just as dangerous.  Just sayin’.

                          

I didn’t buy milk and bread

I did my regular grocery shopping on Wednesday, before the snow flew, and the store was jam packed with people buying bread and milk.  We don’t drink milk and I didn’t need bread, so I didn’t buy milk and bread.  Good thing, as the supply was basically depleted.

Currently, living in the Southeast, we are getting “hit” with snowstorm Grayson.  Here in the Raleigh area we got 1-2 inches and the first week of students going back to school has seen a delay, an early dismissal, and two days off. I know, to those up north, we overreact, but we don’t get snow, ice, and bitter cold very often.  Jim said the news reported it is the first time in 100 years where there have been seven days in a row with highs only in the 30s.

Ah, but let’s get back to the milk and bread.  I got to wondering WHY people rush out to by milk and bread at the slightest mention of a possible snowstorm.  I did quite a bit of research on the internet.  Guess, what?  I still don’t know!

I read a lot of articles and they all pretty much said the same thing, even referencing each other. Here’s what I found for “theories”…

·         There was a major storm in 1950, in Pittsburgh, that left people without milk and bread.

·         There was a major snow storm in 1978, New England, that left people stuck at home for weeks.  Although, I lived in Vermont at that time and don’t recall this.

·         People feel the need to be prepared for the long haul and need to buy something.

·         People purchase perishable products because it offers hope that the unpleasantness will be temporary.

·         If people were to buy water, canned goods, and batteries, it would imply a major disaster is coming.

·         It’s what you do.

Most of these seem to be pretty silly reasons to me.  I suppose I understand the need to feel prepared, but for me that would be water, canned goods, and batteries.  I actually sent Jim a text message while I was at the store that said,

And, No…I didn’t buy milk and bread.

*Pam Horton is a Certified Stress Management Coach, in the Raleigh area.