A message of forgiveness and redemption

Many people are currently discussing the movie, I Can Only Imagine, based on the life of Bart Millard, which was the inspiration for the song by Mercy Me.  I would put forth that, while this is a story of an abusive husband/father, the true story is the message of forgiveness and redemption.

 Jim and I saw the movie this week, with our small group Bible study friends.  I had been told it was a real tear-jerker, which I avoid at all costs.  I was thankful that it did not cause me to shed tears.  Thankful because it was not a story I could relate to.  Thankful that I do not have a physically abusive father or husband.  And yet…

 I would venture to say that most of us have people in our lives that have had a less than positive impact on us.  People who we allowed to get into our heads and start to doubt ourselves.  It may have been a family member, a classmate, a co-worker, neighbor, or even someone from church.  People who allowed you to believe:

·         You aren’t good enough

·         You aren’t pretty enough

·         You have no talent

·         You have no value

·         You are worthless

·         You will never amount to anything

·         It’s your fault

·         “Loser”

Those things can get in your head and you start to believe them yourself.  Even when you think you’ve “shown them” and are doing well, it’s amazing how the negatives can come creeping back into your head at really inconvenient times.

 In the movie, Bart’s dad feels guilt about his abusiveness and asks for forgiveness, from God and from Bart.  Bart quickly claims God has forgiven him, but he can’t.  Holding on to that anger and hatred could cause the person not being forgiven to continue to feel sad and guilty; at the same time it holds the person who is still angry in its clutches as well.  Seems to me if you truly want to be free of the pain someone else caused you, you need to forgive them.  We’ve had this discussion before.  You can’t move forward positively until you come to terms with your past.

 Once you have forgiven the person who wronged you (not saying what they did was okay, but saying you are not going to let it eat you up anymore), then redemption comes into the mix.  The person may choose to try and make amends for the wrong they have done you.  You don’t have to let them back into your life, but you can if you choose to and it’s a healthy relationship at this point.

 The movie had a closing screen that showed a resource for those who have questions about faith, forgiveness, and God.  It also showed a helpline for those who are being, or have been, abused.  While I thought I Can Only Imagine was a great movie with a powerful message, I believe this information could be the most important for people to know about.  I am including it here, in case it may be of benefit to you or someone you know.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach.

Be ever vigilant

 Have you ever had one of those dreams when you feel like you are IN the dream (like it’s really happening), yet at the same time you feel as if you are a bystander watching it happen?  Dreams that seem real can cause you to sit up wide awake, reminding us to be ever vigilant   Depending on whether you consider it a good dream or a bad dream, you may want to go right back to sleep to try and continue the dream, or you may stay awake trying to forget it.

 I had one such dream the other morning.  I say morning because I woke up with it about 4am.  It was very vivid, I could see a dark, worn down house that had been fortified by a fence and a rock wall.  I’m not sure whose house it was, or who lived there.  It was near a street, although it was more of a path or dirt road than a paved busy street.

 I distinctly remember seeing a woman and little girl (assuming her daughter?) bicycling up the road on those older type bikes with baskets on the handle bars.  The woman’s basket had flowers in it.  I believe it must have been getting on to dusk as I reminded them to hurry along and get home safely.

 Once it was dark we (me and whoever else lived in the house) barricaded ourselves in and settled down for the night.

 In the dream, that scene replayed itself, with the woman and little girl kindly smiling as I reminded them to hurry home. Again, as darkness fell we barricaded ourselves in and settled down for the night.  Only, on this night the wolves came. 

                                                     

 The wolves growled and snarled as they tried to crash through the windows of the small house.  All the occupants were awake, huddled together in the middle of the main room, and scared.  Thankfully, the windows held and the wolves could not get in. Eventually, the wolves stopped attacking the house and left, but they left some big black and brown dogs (Rottweilers?) to prowl around the porch.  We could see them pass by the windows, periodically, as a reminder that we were still in danger.

 When the sun came up, the dogs ran off.  It took us a little while to gather up the courage to venture outside.  When we finally did, we saw the damage the wolves had done to our fortifications.  There was a spot in the fence that had been broken through, right next to a spot in the rock wall that had been knocked over into a pile of rubble.

 My first thought was, “We need to go check on the woman and the little girl, to make sure they are unharmed!”  And… that’s when I woke up.

 I wonder what the dream could mean? Could it be a simple reminder that we should remain ever vigilant, on guard, and prepared for bad things to happen?  If we are prepared, we can better ward them off, or deal with them as they come.  What of the lady up the street? Perhaps we need to remind others of the ever present danger of unpleasant possibilities, or just remember to love our neighbors.

 Does this mean we should live in fear?  No.  We need to live a boldly joyful life, with safeguards and reminders so that we are not caught unaware when the wolves try to get in to our lives.

 1 Peter 5:8  - Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

*Pam is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach.

Behaving Badly

I have been working, quite a bit, with children who can behave badly at the drop of a hat.  Perhaps, at first glance, one might think they were in need of discipline, or perhaps they tend to be spoiled brats having tantrums.  Yes, I’ll admit… for some, the first impression might be accurate, but upon further interaction, you may see some of these children are hurt and/or angry… if you take the time to really see them.

I watched one child go into mischief mode, which eventually turned into flipping chairs and tables.  Once the child was calm (which took a bit of time and effort), I asked if we knew what had set them off.  The answer?  Another student needed to see the paper they were copying from and the teacher turned it about an inch diagonally.  That was it.  Strange, because I had witnessed this student willingly share numerous time.  It was not really the paper slant that set them off.

The paper slant was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.  This child had a rough morning at home and was barely keeping their emotions under wraps.  The paper incident was one more frustration that put them over the top.  The hitting, kicking, and curse words were not even really directed at the people who happened to be on the receiving end.  The child was venting all of their frustration at whoever was in the immediate area.  Once they calmed down, they set about apologizing to people and cleaning up the mess that had been made.

Another child was having the same sort of rage incident at the end of the day, for a string of days.  After they were calmed down, they went into the fetal position and had to be carried out to the bus.  We later learned that there were some major struggles happening at home and this child didn’t want to go home to an environment that was totally out of their control.

Okay, yes, these children are behaving badly, but with good reason.  They don’t know how to express their frustration/hurt/anger in a socially acceptable manner (some don’t have verbal skills as yet).  Before you judge a teacher, parent, or child based on their bad behavior, try to consider what might actually be going on with the child.  It may help to remember that we all have good days and bad days and that no one is perfect.

*Pam Horton has been working with special education students for more than 15 years.

Let’s Celebrate Reading!

 March 2^nd is Dr. Seuss’s birthday.  It is also celebrated as Read Across America Day in many of our schools.

 I must admit, “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish” was one of the first books our boys learned to read.  It was a fun rhyming book, and not too difficult (after it had been read to you a few times).  I must also admit, some of those books are tongue twisters.  “Fox in Socks”, whew, you have to read that one slowly.  Of course, The Cat in the Hat is a classic, fun story (and movie) that most children have had read to them.

 Dr. Seuss wrote over 60 children’s books.  His first one was “To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street.”  He also wrote books, like “Wacky Wednesday,” under the name Theo LeSieg.

 Did you know there are a couple of other authors who write in the same rhyming style as Dr. Seuss?

·         Robert Lopshire wrote “Put Me In the Zoo” and a few more.

·         P.D. Eastman wrote “Go Dogs Go” and many more.

 Back in September, we put in our monthly eNewsletter information on the importance of reading to children.  Here’s a snippet…

A bedtime story was always part of the bedtime routine for our kids (two boys, now grown with children of their own).  We started by reading to them, then we transitioned into reading “together” and then they read to us.  I think we stopped this when they got into middle school, but they continued to read at night, and both have a love of reading to this day.

 As recently as this spring, research studies are being done and concluding that reading gives children a fantastic head start in language, literacy and social skills.  See… http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/infant-reading-aloud-young-children-benefits-brain-development/  It’s a great “bonding” time with your child, as well. 

 If you haven’t been reading with your children, you still can make it a routine.

Reading together doesn’t have to be at bedtime.  It can be anytime like… before or after dinner, or first thing in the morning (if you are an early bird).  After school may not be the best time, as they may want to talk about their day, but if it works for your family, by all means do it then.

 If you have an interest in receiving our monthly eNewsletter, you can sign up in the right hand column of our web page.

 In honor of Dr. Seuss’s birthday, I have posted “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish” to the Miss Pam Reads YouTube channel.  Check it out, with your kids!

*Pam is a certified Parenting Coach, in the Raleigh area.