Vacations are bitter sweet

Everyone loves vacation.  Right?  When vacation is over, you get different emotions.  I suppose depending on where you have been, who you have been with, and how the time has been.

 If you’ve had a miserable vacation, you likely can’t wait to get home.

 If you’ve had a wonderful vacation, you won’t want it to end.

 Our typical visit, whether we go visit family in Vermont or in Florida, is about 5 days.  It’s a comfortable amount of time spent before people start getting on each other’s nerves. Grin.  We live in North Carolina, where you get all four seasons, just not to extremes.  We spend Christmas down in Florida, with my parents who recently turned 80 years old.

 I do find leaving Florida in the winter much more difficult than leaving Vermont in the summer.  Going from cool to warm is easy.  Going from warm to cold… not so much.  I have often said, “If I lived here, I would go to the beach every day.”   The other day, I said to my dad, “I don’t understand why the entire world doesn’t want to live in Florida.”

 I know Florida isn’t the perfect state, they certainly have their share of weather issues.  My mom would prefer sunny and 75 all the time, on the east coast.  In fact, my parents searched diligently for the perfect weather place to live, with no luck.  That’s why they do the snowbird thing, Vermont in the summer and Florida in the winter.

 As we sit in the airport, I am not ready to leave Florida, or my parents.  Yes, I look forward to being in my own home, in my own bed, with my own routine, and able to drive wherever I want whenever I want.  BUT, we are leaving fun, relaxing family time, and beautiful weather to go back to rain and 40 degrees.  Blah.

 I am usually blogging about how to move positively forward, so I find myself considering how to get out of this funk.  Giving myself a little pep talk here…

 Be thankful for technology (as frustrating as it can be at times).

I can call, talk, text, video chat with my parents anytime.

 Take lots of pictures, look at them often

Santa brought me a new camera and I made very good use of it.  You will be seeing lots of Pinterest posts of the amazing sunset on December 26, 2018.

 Remember how blessed you are.

Not everyone can visit Florida in the winter (and have a free place to stay).  We are truly blessed, and appreciative to be able to do so.

 Look positively forward.

I will see my parents in April, as they travel back north.  We will be back in Florida, in the winter, next December.  Ready to make new family memories. 

 I hope each of you have had a wonderful Christmas/New Year week.  Whether you worked or were on vacation, remember the memories fondly.

Moving past guilt

Merriam Webster gives three definitions of “guilt.”  For today’s purposes, we will use definition #3… a feeling of deserving blame for offenses.

 When someone we know passes from this world, whether it be suddenly tragic or after a long illness, there are often questions like, “What could I have done differently to make their life better?” 

 Sometimes people are so wracked with guilt that they can’t get past it and blame themselves for the person’s death.

 My heart goes out to people in that situation.  They aren’t to blame for the death of their friend or loved one, but they feel somehow, they might have prevented it, if only (fill in the blank.)

 “If only” is to guilt as “what if” is to worry.

 If someone has passed away, there is nothing you can do to change whatever the circumstances of their death were.  It’s a fact.  The real question is, “How do we deal with the guilt that we feel as a result of the situation?”

 Somethings you need to remember…

·         The energy you are spending on what has happened is robbing you of the energy you need for today

·         You aren’t perfect

·         You cannot change what’s already happened

·         You are loved by God

 Here are some suggestions on how to move past guilt…

·         Realize what you can control and what you cannot

·         Ask “What can I learn from this?”

·         Focus on what you can do now

·         Build a support network

·         Talk with a trusted friend

·         Start a journal

·         Forgive yourself

 I understand that many of these suggestions are much easier to say than to do.  Much like worry, if you don’t discover a way to release your guilt, it will build.   The longer you hold on to it, the harder it will be to let it go.  You can’t change the past.  You must find a way to move positively forward. 

 Please seek professional assistance if you are struggling with feelings of guilt.  Never lose hope.  You can do this.

 *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach who shares her knowledge and teaches others to find their hope for the future.*

Mary Didn't Know

This time of year causes people to remember times past and recall favorite things.  Do you have a family tradition at this time of year?  What is your favorite holiday memory?  Name your favorite holiday song!  I have a couple that I like but my all-time favorite Christmas song is, Mary Did You Know.

 How difficult it must have been for Mary to watch her first born child suffer such a horrible death.  And yet, she did not try to intervene. Why was that?  Did she know that her son was THE SON, the Son of Man, the Son of God?  Scholars write that she did not know during His upbringing or He would not have been able to live a “human” life.  However, she came to believe it, much as we do today.

 Still, He was her first born child. She let Him die, right before her eyes.  Oh, how difficult this must have been, to let this happen to your child for the greater good of mankind.  Mary had to believe that he would rise again, that all believers would have eternal life in heaven, and that she would see her son again one day.  Her great faith must have been what allowed her to stand by and watch Jesus be crucified. 

 Do you have such faith?

 Ah, but I will get off my soapbox now (but never off my Rock).  Yes, I am a Christian.  No, I will not be in your face about it, but I’m also not going to hide it.  If you would like to talk with me about this further, give me a call – grin.

 Have a wonderful week, my friends.  Keep that happy holiday spirit.  Don’t let those ol’ humbug grinches get ya down.

*Pam Horton shares her knowledge and teaches others to find their hope for the future.*

Visiting Pearl Harbor

Jim and I were blessed to visit the Big Island of Hawaii in 2009.  My dream vacation.  On this Friday December 7^th, I am reflecting on our visit to Pearl Harbor, most specifically the Arizona.  Below is my journal entry from that visit.

Tuesday 4/14/09

                Wake up call scheduled for 4:30am this morning!  We had to be at the Kona airport by 6:15am.  We took a day trip to Oahu to see Pearl Harbor and Waikiki Beach.  Pearl Harbor was quite interesting.  We first visited the Arizona Memorial.  Seems such a shame so many men died there.  I’m pretty sure my research said most of them burned in the explosion of the torpedo hit, but some survived and were trapped in the ship & drowned.  There’s not a lot of water over the top of the boat. Such a shame they couldn’t get those men out of there.

We then went to the Bowfin submarine, which Jim thought was very interesting. Then we went over to the U.S.S. Missouri, “Big Mo”, which is the boat that the Japanese surrendered on. That is a stinkin’ huge ship.  Amazing.  And the whole thing is much nicer than the Bowfin.  I’m thinking it’s better to be on a boat than a sub. Haha

                We had some time to kill before we had to be back at the airport, so we drove down through Honolulu to Waikiki Beach. Whoa!  The difference between there and here (Koahala) is amazing!  Here is “peaceful resort”, there is “crazy, busy, tourist area”.  The hotels seemed miles high, the main drag was congested w/ cars and people.  There were shops and food places all on the one side of the road and the beach on the other.  Man, am I glad we didn’t go to stay there! Yuck.  Too crowded for me.  We definitely made the best choice of location!

I remember before we boarded the boat to go to the memorial we were told it is a sacred place, we were to behave with reverence as we honored the lives of those who died there.  During the trip to the Arizona, there are markers where each ship was moored. It was very somber.  The oil still leaking from the Arizona is like tears for the memory of what happened there.  The memorial, itself is currently closed until March 2019 for ramp structural repairs. 

Let us reflect on the military personnel who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

What would YOU have done?

I did my weekly shopping at WalMart today.  I used the self check out.  While putting my bags in the car, I heard something slap down on the wires of the cart.  Something was not in a bag.  I had not noticed, not scanned, not paid for, and not bagged one item.

To be totally honest, this was my thought process…

·         It’s cold out here and I want to go home, just toss it in the car and leave.

·         No, that’s not right.  I need to go in and pay for it.  It’s only $5 bucks, I have that in cash.

I go back in the exit section of the self check out area and tell the cashier that I discovered something I had not paid for.  She said, “Okay.”  That was it!  There was no fanfare, no comments about my honesty, no nothing, just “Okay.”

And then, the item was $10.00, not five.  WHAT?  I sighed and rummaged deeper into my pocket for the cash.

Even though it wasn’t quite as easy as I thought it was going to be, and I received no kudos for my choice to go back in, I feel it was the right thing to do.  I think, if I had just chucked the item in the car and left, it would have bothered me to no end.

If I had gone through a regular checkout line and the cashier had made the error, would I have gone back?   If it had been a $50.00 item, would I have gone back?  Yes, I would have.  Theft is theft, no matter if it was accidental.  Once it becomes known, there is a choice to be made. 

The fact that I didn’t receive a parade when I went back means a number of other folks have made the same mistake I did and come to the same conclusion.  It feels good to do the right thing, the honest thing, the morally correct thing.

Be honest with yourself… What would YOU have done? 

If you had gone ahead and gotten in your car and left, perhaps it’s time to ponder your views and your values.  Consider what that choice would look like to those around you, especially those within your circle of influence.  Children and grandchildren look to their elders to learn the proper way to behave in society.  Be a good example for them.

If you’d have gone back and paid for the item, the cashier wouldn’t acknowledge that, but I will. 

Good for you!  

Rest in Peace

Jim’s dad passed away on Monday.  Today would have been his 90^th birthday.  I have been doing a lot of pondering about death, heaven, and the phrase, rest in peace.

We see it often, when someone dies.  It’s even on gravestones (R.I.P.)  What does that look like?

Of course, the Bible gives us glimpses of heaven through descriptions from Jesus and the eyes of John.  If you believe the Bible to be true, we are assured of pearly gates, streets of gold, no darkness (as the light of God fills all space), and to be in His presence, always.

There have been many humans who have described seeing heaven while having a “near-death” experience.  One of the most recent and well known is the child in the book/movie Heaven is Real.  If you believe those people, we are assured of seeing fellow believers, friends and family who have arrived before us.

Numerous songs have been written about heaven, all telling us how marvelously wonderful it will be.

Personally, I believe these descriptions to be true.  Sometimes I have even wondered if heaven is so amazing, why don’t we all want to be there, now.  That would nullify our whole existence, though.  Wouldn’t it?  

We are born, not understanding what is happening.  Leaving our warm and cozy comfort zone, being thrust into a world we didn’t ask to be in, screaming the whole time. 

Life tends to be a bit of a roller coaster and then, as you know, death comes to us all.  Some of us are tragically gone in a second, others suffer through a long drawn out illness.  The lucky ones, pass from this world while sleeping peacefully.

In almost every instance, we say, “May they rest in peace.”  Is this meaning that they didn’t live in peace?  That only in heaven can we have true peace?  Does it mean that heaven is peaceful?  That we will sit around, at the feet of Jesus, singing hallelujah forever?  

I would suggest we can live in peace, if we have accepted the peace of Christ.  That doesn’t mean we have an easy life.  It means that no matter the circumstances we can remain relatively stress free, knowing that God’s got this. 

When our time comes, to leave this world and meet The Father, I hope we can all make the journey peacefully.  

I want to transition peacefully, but I think there will be a wild celebration as Jesus, and my deceased family members welcome me into the fold.  With each person who declares Jesus as their savior, I want to celebrate their eventual homecoming.  

I’m not so sure that we will rest in “worldly” peace.  I think it’s more likely we will rest in grace and celebratory joy.

What defines you?

 We recently visited my car. 

 Ok, we were seeing our kids and grandkids, but our older son has my old car and, well, I miss it (and it’s a funny statement).

 The reality is, I did love that car, but my family comes before everything else.  I had owned my car for 16 years, but when our son’s vehicle was totaled in an accident, they needed a vehicle and I gave mine up and got a new one.

 When I changed cars people I didn’t even know commented on it.  Two bank tellers, a pharmacist and a police officer all asked me if I had gotten a new car.  Isn’t that funny?  I suppose I should be honored that they recognized me without my yellow car.  The new one is blue, but… that doesn’t change who I am.  I am not my car.  My car does not determine who I am.

 So many people get wrapped up in what they think defines them, in how people identify them.  For instance, some people identify themselves by their:

·         Job

·         Clothes

·         Coffee

·         Spouse

·         School

·         Vehicle

·         House

·         Sports

·         Political affiliation

·         And more

 I have a news flash for you… you are not what you (fill in the blank). 

What you own, what you do, how well you do it, who you know… these are all things outside of yourself.  They are not you.  You are a person who has or enjoys these things, but who you are is not determined by things.

 Who you are is determined by your beliefs, thoughts, and actions… by your morals and values.  These are the things that define you.

 You can have the most awesome car, so cool that everyone recognizes it and knows it is you when you drive by, but if you are a foul-mouthed bully people will identify you as such.  They might say, “There goes that jerk in the yellow car.”  But they are identifying you as a jerk first.

 You could drive the oldest piece of junk in town but be a kind person who assists others whenever they ask.  People will probably say, “There goes so&so” when you drive by, with no mention of the vehicle you drive.

 There is a difference.

 For me, I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made, a child of God, and I will stand on that Rock all day long.

 What defines you?

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach.