Whose windshield are you washing?

 I was driving, to play Pickle Ball, the other day.  I was following a little red car that was following a black truck.  All of a sudden this spray shot up from the truck, over the roof and onto the red car.  It took me a second to realize the truck had put on its windshield washer, when it happened again.

 Now the red car had a couple of different options in how to react to the situation.  They could have laid on the horn, or flipped the truck the bird, but they didn’t.  They simply turned on their windshield wipers and got their windshield washed by the washer fluid from the truck.  It was a perfect “two for one.”  There was so much spray coming over the top of the truck, the car never even had to use its washer fluid.  I had to chuckle. 

 How would you have reacted?

 There are so many scenarios where we can choose how to react to an action.  For example:

·         Someone pulls into a parking spot you were driving to

·         Someone says something you disagreed with

·         Poor customer service

·         A ref/umpire makes a bad call

·         You disagree with a politician

So many possibilities, I couldn’t begin to mention them all.  Think of something that tends to get a reaction out of you.

 There are three ways to react to something:

1. Hard core, loud and obnoxious, trying to force your opinion on others

2. Roll with it, discuss things calmly and be respectful of the other people involved

3. Ignore it, don’t get involved

 Of course, if the action happens to involve you directly, ignoring it is probably not an option.  That leaves you the other two choices.  Will you be loud and obnoxious or calm and respectful?  It is a choice. 

 Knowing that option one will create a (probably) negative reaction from the other person(s), I tend to default to option two.  Discussing things calmly and respectfully gives the other person the chance to respond to you in the same fashion. 

Heated situations can often be diffused by calm and respectful conversation.  If you refuse to react loud and obnoxious, it makes it difficult for the other people involved to continue to be loud and obnoxious.

 In short, calmer heads can prevail over any situation.  So when someone unexpectedly sprays washer fluid on your windshield, simply turn on your wipers and enjoy the clearer view.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

Is peace possible?

Yesterday was the International Day of Peace.  It got me thinking… is peace possible?

 It seems “we” talk about world peace often, even claim to strive for it, but  how can “we” attain world peace (international peace) when we don’t even have national peace, and in many places, not even local peace, or in some cases peace within families?

 These days it seems like we hear about violence somewhere, daily.

·         Domestic violence

·         Racial violence

·         Political violence

·         Sexual or physical violence

·         Terrorist attacks

·         Wars

And the list could go on.  It’s a crazy world.

 So, back to the original question.  Is peace possible?

 I believe peace has to come from the heart.  It has to start with forgiveness and end with love.  This brings us to a different question… Can all people forgive and love each other?  Not in a physical way, but from the heart, in a humanitarian way. 

 I am blessed to be surrounded by people who try very hard to forgive and love everyone they come in contact with.  When you are surrounded by that behavior, it makes it easier to replicate the behavior.  I am not naive enough to believe my circle of influence is perfect and can always achieve what they attempt, but they try.  I also know that not everyone tries to have love in their hearts for their fellow “man.”  Unfortunately, there are some people who actually try to do harm to others, intentionally.  It’s sad.

 Backtrack to the second question… Can all people forgive and love each other?  Unfortunately, I believe the answer is “No.” You see, some people have evil in their hearts instead of love.  We cannot force someone to forgive and love others.  I wrote a blog, four years ago, on a similar topic.  You can read it here.

 Now, back to the original question.  Is peace possible?  Again, I have to say, “No.”  As long as there are people who seek to do harm to others, intentionally, we cannot have peace.  We cannot control the actions of others.  As long as there is prejudice, hatred, and violence, there cannot be peace.  We can, however, control our own actions.

 We can take personal action to bring peace to our little corner of the world.  We can be the peacemaker in our families, in our neighborhoods, and our towns.  We can set a peaceful example for others and perhaps help them to see that a peaceful existence is preferable to one filled with violence.  Even though international/world peace is likely unattainable, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it.  We should.

 Oh, today is the first day of autumn.  For all those who enjoy cooler weather and pumpkin everything…

Happy Fall, ya’ll!

*PamHorton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

Nomadic Lifestyle

 Being a military “brat” (child of someone in the service), I moved a lot.  Marrying a corporate executive added to the multiple moves.  I recently figured out that, in my brief 57 years, that I have moved 31 times, been in 39 states and 8 countries.  I tend to call wherever I’m sleeping “home.” 

 However, no matter how much I traveled, I always felt I had a “home base.”  Sometimes, when we were in transition, that “home base” was my grandparent’s house in Vermont.  Once my dad retired and my parents settled in one location, it became their house in Vermont.  Now that Jim is no longer working in the corporate environment, we don’t have any plans to move anymore. That means MY house is now “home base.”

 Recently, I met someone who truly had no home.  This was not the typical homeless person.  This was a gentleman who carried everything he had in his suitcase and traveled wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and made changes to his plan as necessary (like with Harvey and Irma). 

 He seemed to want to talk, but certainly nothing in depth.  This gentleman was a tad difficult to have a discussion with.    Yes/no, very short answers, but he did want to engage in conversation.  It was rather interesting.  He claimed to love his nomadic lifestyle.

 I have known people who lived in an RV and moved all of their earthly possessions with them wherever they went.  But still, that was “home.”  Personally, I can’t imagine not having a “home base.”   Where would I put all my photo scrapbooks?!  Although, I suppose if you don’t have any family and keep all your travel memories in your head, you wouldn’t have much need for lots of pictures.

 This guy talked about hotels and cruises, so he wasn’t “roughing it.”  He was a minimalist with a great retirement plan.  He could go where he wanted, when he wanted and he didn’t have to cook or clean.  That doesn’t sound so bad.  When I asked about doctor’s visits he said because he travelled so much he didn’t have a “primary care physician.”  If he needed to visit a doctor, he just called his insurance company, told them where he was and they told him who to see.

 Now that I think about it, it does sound like a pretty care-free lifestyle.  If I had no ties to anywhere, or anyone, and a great retirement package, I might consider it.  How about you?

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

Honesty in Crisis

 My neighborhood recently experienced a damaging hail storm.  Nothing like the devastation of Harvey (or possibly the effects of Irma), and thankfully no personal injuries; but almost every house had damage and many cars, if left outside, were also damaged. We definitely had things to be thankful for.  However, the cost of repairs will be very expensive.

 It surprised me how quickly roofing companies and contactors hit the neighborhood.  Our neighborhood Facebook page has be very active with discussions about various insurance companies, how quickly they responded (or didn’t) when adjusters would be out, and the approach the various contractors have been using.  To many of us, this whole process is overwhelming.

 Thankfully, no one has come knocking on our door.  Neighbors are sharing about contractors who insist on being present when the claims agent is on site, supposedly to make sure the agent gives the homeowner all that’s due them.  Other neighbors are saying that’s a way that the contractor knows how much you will be getting and will charge you exactly that amount.  Others have said contractors have told them they’ll do it for whatever the insurance pays.  People are being warned by local officials to be wary of scams.  It’s just crazy.

 Personally, we called the insurance and, being a weekend AND a holiday, we didn’t hear back until 4 days after the storm.  Thankfully, we had our cars in the garage and none of the damage put an actual hole in anything. So, no rain is coming in as the weather continues to be stormy.  The claims adjuster walked the house, told me what he saw (even saw some damage we hadn’t seen), and asked me if I was aware of anything he hadn’t mentioned.  I was, we looked at it, and he added it to his report.  Now we wait to hear from the insurance company the amount they will provide us for all the repairs he reported.  Then we will speak to a friend of ours, who happens to be a builder, and get his recommendations for roofing, window, and siding replacements.  I don’ think I would use some stranger that walked up to the door and said, “Hey, let me fix your (fill in the blank).”

 Of course, there are always extreme circumstances, like the neighbors who had a hole in their roof, or the ones with many holes in many windows.  Still though, I would advise caution and do as much research as you can.  Sometimes, though… ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

 It’s a shame that people prey on others during times of crisis.  As it does in many things… it boils down to money.  I love it when I find great, honest, customer service.  I’m even willing to pay more to honor their integrity.  Shady characters?  I’ll pass. 

 Remember, if you can be patient, let the sharks swim by and wait for the person who has honesty in crisis.  If you have to rush, do your research and be wise.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

I’m worn out

I’m too young to be this worn out! 

 Now I know why we have our children when we are younger.  The energy children have is exhausting. 

 I substitute in elementary special education classes, and love it, but I get to rest and get my other work done when I get home. 

 This weekend our youngest son came to visit with our seven and eight year old grandchildren. Man they are full on from the time they wake up until the time they drop off to sleep!  Fifteen hours of energetic activity.   When they left, they forgot a kid.  No, not really, but they did leave the seven year old behind to have some time with us.  Man did she keep me busy!

 In no particular order we…

Made playdough  (this is a fun and easy recipe… http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Make-Playdough-Play-doh/http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Make-Playdough-Play-doh/)

Baked a cake, and decorated it

Made pizza

Made muffins

Worked on a puzzle

Played chess

Played cards

Colored

Picked food from the garden

Watered the garden

Went shopping

Went to the Science Museum

Went swimming 3 times each day

Watched a movie each night (the only down time we had)

Whew!  I am worn out.

 We had boys, so I absolutely love having extra days where one or the other granddaughter visits.  I do find that the older I get the more tired I am after playing all day.  BUT, I am still doing it.  The girls love their visits when they get to be the center of attention.  I wouldn’t miss seeing the smiles on their faces for all the sleep in the world.

 I have mentioned before that many children crave time with an adult they love.  And that time doesn’t have to be costly.  Look at my list.  Other than going shopping, and the cost of the food items we used to make things, that’s not an expensive to do list.  You can find inexpensive, or free, things to do in any location.

 Whether you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle make it a priority to spend time with a child, doing the things they want to do.  You make be worn out at the end of the day, but it’s a happy, tired, and well worth it feeling.

 *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Parenting Coach in the Raleigh area.*

Compromise

It amazes me how many people have to have things their way or no way.  What ever happened to the art of compromise? 

 Dictionary.com says compromise, as a verb, means to “settle a dispute by mutual concession.”

 Mutual concession = two, or more, sides giving in just a little, to bring about an agreeable conclusion.   Sometimes, one side will give in more than another, but if that is agreeable to all parties to make the deal work, then it’s still a compromise.

 The willingness, and ability, to compromise can be very useful.  You can compromise with a

·         Spouse

·         Child

·         Sibling

·         Family member

·         Friend

·         Co-worker

·         Boss

·         Neighbor

·         Or total stranger

You never know when the need to compromise may come up.

 Just this past weekend, Jim gave in BIG TIME.  We have been pet free for about 5 years now.  It’s certainly nice to have that freedom.  Every now and then I’d see FaceBook posts of cats for adoption.  He’s been saying “No” for a long time.  Then our daughter-in-law started fostering kittens.  Yup, just made me want one more.  I kept dropping hints and comments, but Jim was pretty adamant that we remain pet free.

 A couple of months ago I restated, “I would like another cat.”  Jim’s reply was, “I want a Corvette.”  I told him that we could get a cat and NAME it Corvette.  HAHA.  His comment made me wonder if he was warming up to the idea, though.  So, I kept dropping hints.

 A couple of weeks ago, there was a national “Clear the Shelter” day, when many shelters and rescues would waive their adoption fees.  I kept sharing the info to my FB page, and tagging Jim.  He was a good sport about it.  Finally, the day before the big event came and we had to discuss the topic of getting a cat.  Much to my surprise, he let me go and pick one out!  And guess who that silly cat prefers?!  Yup, Jim. HAHA.

 You never know when a little patience, persistence, and compromise might make everyone involved acceptable to an idea.  Oh, did I mention… we named the cat Cora, short for CORA VETTE (get it?).  I love my husband! (Although I did see him looking at some car sites online. Hmmm…)

 Try not having a “winner” or “loser” in a conflict situation.  Compromising can be the “not perfect” answer.  After all, who among us is perfect?  We can often be happy with good enough or almost perfect.  So, give a little.  You’d be surprised what it can do for a relationship

*Pam and Jim are Certified Marriage Mentors.  

                    

Stop bundling

I do not understand all the hatred in the world!  People hate someone because of

·         Skin color

·         ancestral background

·         ethnicity

·         job

·         religion

·         culture

·         weight

·         intelligence

·         wealth

·         and more

 Why?

Am I better than you, or you better than me, because of the way we look, the way we were raised, or our chosen career path?

If you had to take a minute to think about this, you are part of the problem.  The answer is NO!

Now, if you harmed me (or my family) in some fashion (physical, emotional, socially, etc.)  I would certainly have an issue with you, but I would not take that issue and transfer it to everyone who is similar to you.  That’s ridiculous.

To hate, dislike, discriminate, (whatever word you choose) an entire group of people because a few of their numbers are extremists is not the way to live your life.  Hate only breeds hate.  How can we make a better world for our kids/grandkids if we continue to teach them to hate their fellow man/woman?

Remember Romeo and Juliet?  They were sworn enemies because of the families they were born in to.  A tragic ending for a silly reason.

How about the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s?  Same thing.  Generations of hatred just because of who the family was, not who the individual people were.

The Civil War and the German extermination of Jewish people are more examples of hatred of an entire group of people.

At the risk of being politically incorrect, are the above well know rivalries any more tragic than the things we hear in the news these days?

·         White’s hate Blacks

·         Blacks hate Southerners

·         Americans hate Muslims

·         Poor people hate rich people

·         ISIS hates everybody who is not like them

·         And many more scenario’s that you could add here.

Except for the ISIS statement, the rest of these are blanket statements that are just ridiculous.  Yes, there are SOME people who are complete jerks, but to lump an entire group of people like them together and start hating the entire group is just wrong.  We should not be judging an entire group of people on the actions of a few.

As Donnie Osmond sang, “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, Girl.”  I suppose if you leave the bad apple in the barrel, it will affect those around it and spoil them, too.  That’s still just one barrel.  But, take heed, if you are hanging around with people who are spewing hatred it would be a good idea to distance yourself from them.  As speaker Jim Rohn says, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”  So, unless you want to become an extremist stay as far away from hate filled people as you can.

Less hatred in this world should be a goal for everyone. 

1 Corinthians 13:13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*