Respecting Others

I was walking down an aisle in the grocery store recently and witnessed a group of young women walking and talking together as they slowly strolled along.  An aisle or two away, an elderly man and his visually impaired wife turned the corner and came into the path of the ladies.  As the man, pushed his cart and guided his wife he slowly approached the group. They kept walking and talking towards the couple not giving an inch of space.  

For a moment it looked like a game of “Chicken” and I was appalled to see the elderly couple veer around the group of women, as the ladies just kept on walking and talking.

Was it intentional?  Did the three young ladies purposely stand their ground and not give way to an elderly couple?

Were they unaware?  Was the conversation they were having so totally engrossing that they didn’t even realize they were on a collision course with the couple and their cart?

Could it have been ignorance on their part?  Maybe no one ever taught them to respect their elders, or to be courteous to others?

No matter the excuse, in my personal opinion, the three should have moved around the man and his wife.  It’s like

·         holding the door for someone

·         picking up something that has been dropped when the other person has their hands full

·         offering to help someone carry their bags, when they obviously have too many to handle

It’s the right thing to do.  It’s the kind thing to do.

How can we be sure that our children are aware of the various ways to show kindness to others?  The answer is simple.  We lead by example.  We teach our children to be aware of their surroundings, so they can see a need/meet a need.  And then, we walk the talk.

When children are young, they are very impressionable.  They will copy what their parents do.  Be aware.  Little eyes are watching, and little ears are listening.  Of course, once they become teenagers, many children choose to try not to be anything like their parents.  But, what they’ve learned early in life sticks with them.  

Be a great example for your children to emulate.  Behave as you would like them to behave.  Show them the path to follow.  Kindness matters.

*Pam Horton is a certified Parenting Coach in the Raleigh area.

Pickleball Analogies

Many of you know Jim and I enjoy the game of Pickleball.  While playing recently, I got to pondering how the rules of Pickleball are like the rules of life.  For instance, consider…

Stay out of the kitchen

This Pickleball rule is in place to prevent players from executing smashes from a position close to the net.

                This life rule can be taken jokingly, for people who want to avoid cooking.  In reality, the kitchen tends to be a gathering place.  Lots of conversations take place there.  Often, being told to stay out of the kitchen can mean to mind your own business. 

Stay within the boundaries

                This Pickleball rule tells us we must keep the ball "inbounds."  Breaking this rule can mean we lose our turn to serve, or the opposing team gets a point.

                This translates to “follow the rules set forth by those in authority,” whether that be the government, your school, or your parents.  When be break the boundaries, there are often unpleasant consequences.  Of course, there are times when we are encouraged to "think outside the box." Being creative is a wonderful trait, but even outside the box, there are invisible boundaries that we must adhere to.

This is not golf; there are no Mulligan's

 In Pickleball, like in many sports, your turn is your turn.  Make an error, and it's someone else's turn.  There are no "do-overs."   However, if gameplay continues, you will have another chance.

 The same rule applies to life.  There are no "do-overs."  You can't take back what has already been done, or not done, but you will probably get another chance to try your best to succeed.

Apologize when you hurt someone

                I can't tell you how many times a partner will apologize because they made a poor shot.  I always say, "You don't need to apologize unless you hit me in the face."  Everyone makes a poor shot now and then, even the pros, but if you hurt someone, you need to apologize.

                The same rule stands if you hurt anyone off the court.  Whether it be physically, emotionally, verbally, or socially, we should not intend to harm others.  If you accidentally do, go to that person and apologize.

Have fun

                Pickleball is a game.  Games are designed to be fun.  Enjoy it.

 Life is a journey that has its ups and downs.  How we respond to those ups and downs determines whether we enjoy life or not.  Many people have the best of everything, yet they do not enjoy life.  Others have little to nothing and have learned to be happy in their circumstances.  Enjoy life.  Choose to have fun.

*Pam considers herself an intermediate Pickleball player and always has fun, win or lose.  She especially enjoys playing against her husband, Jim, as they challenge each other to be better players.

Riding out Florence

I was having a conversation the other day with a friend who is frantic about the incoming hurricane.  She was tracking it relentlessly and checking her phone for updates, constantly.  She has family on the coast and was, understandably, concerned.  However, her concern was stressing her out… big time.

Her family had come to stay with her.  One might think this was why she was stressed.  Nope.  She was stressed because she was going to the land of “What If.”  She was most concerned that her family’s home would be destroyed and they would lose everything.

My parting comment was, “If your family has moved to a safe location and brought everything the determine to be of the utmost importance… the rest is just ‘stuff’.”  Yes, it will be awful if the house is destroyed, but it’s just a house.  They have brought what makes that house a home with them.  There’s really no need to stress about “stuff.”  She gave me a sheepish grin and we said our, “stay safes” as I headed home.

I admit, I have moved my family genealogy papers and pictures to a high, inner, closet.  Other than that, we are prepared.  If we had been advised to evacuate, we sure would have packed up and left.  We’re not going to put our lives at risk.  We have received no such notice.  We watch as Florence comes our way and we are prepared to hunker down.

If you have followed the advice of local authorities by leaving or preparing to ride the storm out, you are as ready as you’re going to be.  You can’t start asking yourself all those possible “what if” scenarios.  It’ll will cause you all sorts of unnecessary stress.  Stress is not good for your physical, or mental/emotional health.  No need to borrow trouble. 

You are ready to weather the storm.  Be wise, stay safe, and try not to worry.

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management Coach in the Raleigh area.

In person interactions

 A couple weeks ago, I realized… I have become very busy on my computer.  I post to three different Facebook pages, I have my blog, newsletter, and am taking a couple classes.  That says nothing of the personal Facebook checking I do.  I’m not loaded down with “friends”, but I have enough so that someone is always posting something that I need to read and/or respond to.  Come on, admit it – you know what I’m talkin’ about.

 So, I’ve thought,” OK, I’m fine with this.  I’m keeping myself pretty busy.”  HA!  For various reasons (friends being away on vacation, family members starting new jobs/school) I hadn’t really spoken with anyone – other than my husband - in about two weeks!  I played pickleball the other day  and I was downright GIDDY.  Can’t you just see me, giggling and jumping for joy?  Yes, I was glad to be playing pickleball – it had been about two weeks since we had played, but I was ecstatic to be conversing with someone in person!  

 I can be witty on Facebook (at least I try – grin) and ya’ll respond accordingly with an “lol” or a “HOOAH!”   But there is nothing like the feedback of face to face conversation!!  I honestly didn’t realize this until that day.  Wow.  To see other people’s facial expressions when you engage in conversation, to hear their tone of voice, to hear a good hearty belly laugh, it is just so much more fulfilling in person! 

 If you are busy, but you are often alone – phone a friend and make plans to meet somewhere.  Get out and do something, join a club, volunteer somewhere.  Maybe you already do these things but the work involved keeps you busy at home.  Put the mouse down.  Stand up and back away slowly from the computer. Turn around and keep walking.  Yes, you.  Get out of the house and find some people to interact with.  You’ll be surprised how much you’ve missed it.  Enjoy!

10 tips for stress free school mornings

Everybody's busy this time of year, so I'll keep this one short and sweet...

It’s almost time for the kids to go back to school.  Indeed, some schools have already started.  As everyone adjusts back into the school routine, I thought I’d share some quick tips to make the mornings go a little more smoothly…

1. Have a routine.  Most kids thrive when they know what to expect and what is expected of them.

2. Get organized.  It’s much easier to find things if they have a spot.  Put them there, find them there.

3. Check the weather forecast and pick out clothes before going to bed.

4. Pack backpack before going to bed.  Save room to add the lunchbox in the morning.

5. Plan meals ahead of time. Make a weekly menu so you’re not asking “What do you want for breakfast, or lunch, today?”

6. Complete homework the day it is given. Trying to do homework in the morning can be chaotic.

7. Get plenty of rest.  The proper amount of sleep helps reduce stress.

8. Try to keep morning conversation pleasant.  The morning sets the tone for the whole day.

9. Be patient, be flexible, be available.

10.  Tell your kids you love them, every day, as you say goodbye.  They may know it, but it’s important that they hear it.

Side note:  This actually posted in our monthly eZine, but I think the blog and the eZine have different audiences.  Typically they have different information.  So, if you'd like to sign up for the NewDirection Life Coaching monthly eZine, simply click the link and look in the right side column of the webpage.  It's there!

Have a wonderful weekend!

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management Coach and Parenting Coach.*

Night time conversations

Jim and I were having a conversation, shortly before bed time, about him thinking I have too many things on my plate.

 I found it very interesting to wake up the next morning after having this dream…

Having left some place to head to the USO, and passing barns with hanging beef, I realized I must have turned the wrong way, as that is not a scene I typically see.  I stopped to ask which direction Raleigh was and was informed I was headed to Jacksonville, Raleigh was the opposite direction.

I’m trying to call the USO, to tell them I’ll be late.  After reaching the Center and being disconnected, the next three calls were wrong numbers. The next thing I know, I’m walking through a large mansion looking for anyone I could ask for assistance.  I start to get frustrated because I can’t even find my way out of the house, when I come across a woman, on her knees.  She say to me, “Isn’t it great?  We can go anywhere we want to!”  I had no clue what she was talking about and continued looking for an exit.

                Once outside, I find a group of people who are also lost, but they have a leader helping them get back to somewhere.  I go across a field to join them when I am attacked by jackals and three other animals. They are not hurting me, just jumping at me.  The group stands there and watches.

                I finally make it to the protective dirt pile, where the group is, and see that the leader has a gun filled with the dirt.  As we all proceed cautiously, she keeps shooting the protective dirt around us to keep us safe.

                And then… the alarm goes off!

 I don’t dream very often, so when I do I write them down and ponder what it could have meant.  The only thing I could come up with was the conversation Jim and I had, and the novel I was reading about Russia.  Very strange combination, for sure.

 I can say that it might be wise not to have any weighty conversations shortly before bed.  Have them earlier in the day so your mind has time to process it before you try to have a peaceful night’s sleep.

*Pam Horton is a stress management coach in the Raleigh area.

Preserving Family History

 While volunteering at the USO yesterday, I was chatting with a fellow who was sharing some stories of his antics as a teenager.  This was back in the 40’s and 50’s.  There were some very cool stories!

 I asked him if he had written any of this down somewhere and he responded that he had told his kids the stories.  If his kids are anything like me, they might very possibly forget those old stories that their dad told them.  I suggested he record the stories in some fashion.

 The reality is, as older generations pass on, many of the stories of days gone by go with them.  Being a big history buff, I am all about remembering the past.  Of course, being a life coach I totally believe you can’t live in the past, you must move positively forward.  However, remember this quote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” (George Santayana)

 I happen to think those old stories are cool.  We had my father-in-law dictate into a “voice-to-text” program many of the stories of his childhood.  My grandmother recorded, in a cassette tape, stories of her youth.  My mother is working on typing up some of her memories.  I’m not sure if my dad has done it yet, but he’s got some great stories about growing up on a farm, and about being in the Army.

 If you haven’t managed to find a way to preserve the family stories of your past, it might be a good time to consider it.

There are numerous ways you can record things…

Write them down with pen and paper
Type them
Audio record
Video record
Dictate to text
Dictate to a person who types or writes
Write a book

 There are all kinds of options for getting those old family stories ready to pass down to the younger generations.  If you don’t do it, how will they know the truth of our history?

 Yes, that’s a whole different topic, but when people start saying they don’t believe the things that are recorded in history, we have a problem (in my opinion).  If each family has documented history of the past, you would (mostly likely) believe your family.  Remember “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

 It’s easy… and fun… go get some memories and make them forever!