Race Relations

 I recently saw a documentary about race relations.  It was predominantly about the relationship between police officers and African-American men.

 Both groups acknowledged the problem and offered reasons that they exist, but few solutions were offered on how to change things for the better.

 I suppose there are decades of past problems that continue to be discussed among families and stories of “wrongs” get passed down and live on through children.  Feelings and beliefs get passed down as well as learned behavior.  However, people are not born hating each other.  Hatred is a learned behavior.

 I believe the question is, “How do we change the story?”

 Personally, I have not lived the life of a person of color (any shade).  I only have my life that I know and understand.  Someone recently told me they were studying the differences that culture has on children’s education.  I had never even considered that possibility!  I imagine that the way people are raised, at home, and their belief system could make their learning experience different, even in a diverse school setting.  Interesting don’t you think?

 I don’t believe myself to be a person who judges someone else by the color of their skin.  I even point out to people, during a conversation, if they are jumping to conclusions about someone because of their skin color, cultural upbringing, or religion.  Yes, there are similarities among people groups, but everyone is an individual.  You cannot judge a group by the actions of one person.  Remember the Osmond Brothers song… “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, girl.”

 We must stop the hatred.  We need to stop the fear.  We can stop the misunderstanding.  We have to find a way to move positively forward!

 Much as we expect politicians to “reach across the aisle” we should expect the same of ourselves.

How about…

·         Going out for coffee with a coworker and getting to know them better

·         Asking a neighbor over for dinner, or to watch a sports game on TV

·         Attend a different church than usual

 Getting to know people helps stop the misunderstanding, which should stop the fear, and could stop the hatred.

We will never break the stories of poor race relations without stopping the reasons for the stories of abuse by others to be passed down through families.

Responsibility

 The Oxford Dictionary states this definition, among others:

The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.

 I recently shared a video of Richard Pimentel telling the story of his Sergeant’s definition, and I love it! 

 Sergeant Parker asked, “Do we have the ability?”  Pimentel answered, “Yes.”

 Sgt. Parker continued, “Then what is our response?”

 What a great way to think of it!  Responsibility no longer feels like a burden.  It is a response you choose, based on your abilities.  How cool is that?!

 Rather than reinvent the wheel, or repeat the whole video (or plagiarize it), you can watch it HERE.

 I highly recommend taking 5mins out of your day to watch this.  It will challenge your thinking and make you smile.

 That’s what we like to do… help others move positively forward. Grin.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

I love to read

 While volunteering at the USO yesterday, I was tasked with restocking the bookcases that had been emptied to be moved.  I thoroughly enjoyed reading the title of each book as I set them up on the shelves.  I have read some of them, and found a couple that sounded so interesting I brought them home to read.  I love to read!

 My parents read to me as a child.  Having a story was part of my bedtime routine.  Consequently, we read bedtime stories to our boys.  Interestingly enough, while our boys remain avid readers, they never picked up the bedtime story routine with their children.

 I believe that children who are read to become readers, not just for school work, but for pleasure.

 My dad and my husband, Jim, can sit and read for hours!  I’m not quite that much of a reader.  I tend to read my learning books during the day and my pleasure books at bedtime.  In fact, if I don’t read before sleeping, I have a hard time going to sleep.

 Reading has MANY benefits.  Reading helps you

·         learn things

·         improve concentration

·         fall asleep

·         strengthen your imagination

·         reduce stress

·         improve memory

·         write better

 Speaking of writing, I not only love to read, but I love to write.  I have also discovered I enjoy doing research.  I am considering writing a book about some abandoned buildings in the area.  You KNOW there has to be a story there!

 So, how about you?  Do you love to read?  Do you write?  If so, we are kindred spirits. Grin. 

 Statistics say 33% of U.S. HS graduates will not read a book after they get out of school.  If that is you, have I convinced you about the value and fun of reading? 

 There are too many different types of books to even list here. It’s probably easiest to break it into the two main types… Fiction or Non-Fiction.  If you are new to the idea of reading… start with a fun fiction book.  Something that interests you, a real page turner.  I love historical fiction, but there lots of fiction options.

·         Mystery

·         Romance

·         Sci-fi

·         Fantasy

·         Suspense

·         Western

·         Christian

·         And more

With all the options, I’m certain you can find a book that would entertain you and keep your interest. 

 Consider all the benefits of reading and then… go ahead.  Pick up a book and get started.

*Pam Horton is an award winning author and speaker.  You can see her books on Amazon.com.  She has a YouTube Channel, Miss Pam Reads, where she reads children’s books for free.

April is my passion month

It seems like every month highlights at least a dozen different causes.

I have four things I am passionate about.
• Military Families
• Autism Early Education
• Hurting Teens/Twenty-somethings
• Encouraging others

The month of April has (among others)…

·         Autism Awareness

·         Gold Star Spouses Day

·         Month of the Military Child

·         Child Abuse Prevention

The month of April also has National Tartan Day, on the 6th, for those of us with Scottish ancestry. Just sayin’.

Of course, June is PTSD Awareness and November is Military Family Appreciation month, but April holds most of my passions in the same month, so you will probably see lots of things on my social media pages this month about Autism and Military brats (once a brat always a brat – HOOAH!). Although, that’s probably not any different than any other month, right?

Besides being active in the Autism community and the Military community, I have written some books that help increase awareness about autism and give hope to those who feel stuck in their current situations.

I believe it is good to support a cause you are passionate about. It helps us get out of our own little world to help and encourage others.

How about you? What causes do you support? What are you passionate about?

*Pam Horton is the coordinator of the Military Family Ministry at Hope Community Church in Raleigh.*

If you happen to be interested in learning more about some of the books I’ve written…

The Decision to Change is a light and easy read.  It is designed to encourage the reader that a person can, indeed, make a decision to change their current circumstances. 

Autism: Expressions of a non-verbalchild gives the reader a glimpse into the life of her non-verbal autistic grandson. Pam spent many years working with special needs students. That training has equipped her to knowledgably assist her family in getting the services her non-verbal autistic grandson needs.

Rory’s Story: Having an autistic brother was completely directed by six year old Rory Munt.. This is a sometimes funny, sometimes off-topic, and sometimes quite honest, personal look at what it’s like to be six and have a younger brother diagnosed with severe non-verbal autism.

Walk Confidently

 Do you ever “people watch?”  I do.  If I’m stuck waiting somewhere, it’s a great pastime.

A couple weeks ago, I arrived early to a meeting and was sitting in my car reading.  It must have been a shift change or something because there were lots of people exiting the building.  Not in mass, but every few minutes someone would exit the building or walk past my car.  Having great peripheral vision, every movement caught my eye.

As I glanced up to see various people walking, I began to notice the way they were walking. 
 I saw many people walking at a middle speed looking down at their feet.  Sure they looked up every now and then to make sure they weren’t going to get hit by a car in the parking lot, but most people were looking at the ground.

Then I saw this one guy, in a yellow shirt, exit the building walked very confidently.  He was walking at a brisk pace, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry.  His head was up, he was looking around.  He even smiled and waved at a couple different people.  I would guess he knew them, but maybe not.  The way he walked got me to thinking, and watching others more intentionally.

Still, most of the people who exited the building were walking rather ho-hum, looking down.  I did see two women walk across the parking lot.  One walked pretty confidently, not quite as boldly as the man I saw, but she did pretty well.  The other one started out of the building looking at her phone.  Then she started to get a confident walk.  Then, she ruined it.   Yup, she got the ol’ “I’ve been practicing this” hip swing going.  I wasn’t impressed.

Anyway, I started thinking about what impression our walk gives others.  I would suggest that the man in the yellow shirt and the woman who walked boldly are probably self-aware, self-confident, positive people.   The other folks, shuffling out, eyes to the ground, looking like they carry the burdens of the world, were either having a bad day or aren’t particularly aware of the negative vibe they are giving off.

Have you ever thought about how others see you?  Are you carrying yourself as you truly are?  How is your walk these days?

If you walk like most of the people I saw, maybe it’s time to pick your head up and look life in the eye.  If you have a bad day every once in a while, that’s understandable, but if every day seems like a bad day maybe it’s time to talk to someone about how to get your positivity back.

The first step in change is awareness.  Check your walk, and then step out boldly, joyfully, and walk confidently!

Choosing Fear

This week we have had our two granddaughters visiting.  One is ten and the other is eight. 

 While they enjoy spending time together, they have very different interests.  One wants to do something while the other does not.  This has been leading to many opportunities for taking turns with decision making.  Of course, this usually leaves one girl happy and the other barely tolerant.  Then they switch roles, so they each get a turn at being unhappy with the other one’s decision.  Yes, it has been a challenge.

 One thing they absolutely loved was taking turns asking “Alexa” to play various songs.  Not my favorite music but, the girls were having a great time.

 At night we put a movie on and the girls drift off to sleep.  This was a major point of contention as the younger one was afraid of most of the movies the older one wanted to watch.  A couple of these were totally ridiculous movies to be afraid of (Mary Poppins and Enchanted).

 The older one wanted to watch Enchanted, but the younger one was afraid of the “scary lady” she saw on the DVD cover.  If you’ve ever seen Enchanted you know it’s more funny than scary.  The only scary part could be at the end when the evil queen turns into a (not so scary) dragon.

 I do need to say that the younger one has seen, and loves, Maleficent.  Now THAT could be scary.  So, we knew that Enchanted would not scare her, and yet… she refused to watch it because she thought it would be scary from looking at the cover.

 You know the old cliché “Don’t judge a book (or movie) by its cover.”  Classic case here.  Last night we told the younger girl that we were going to put on Enchanted.  She could choose to watch it or not.  She watched it.  And LOVED it!  This morning she even asked to watch it again.

 How many times do we choose not to do something because we are afraid?  It’s something we’ve never experienced before but we think it will be scary, so we avoid it.  How many opportunities have been missed because we’re choosing fear? 

 It’s possible, and this story is the evidence, that something we think will be scary is actually fun.  However, we will only experience the fun if we actually try it.  If you get part way through something and don’t like it – stop. 

 Okay, you can’t stop a thrill ride in the middle.  That one you’ll have to complete, then you can say, “Yeah, I didn’t like that, it was scary” and never do it again.  At least you know for sure and you aren’t choosing fear because you think it will be scary.

 Be like the old Life cereal commercial, “Try it. You’ll like it.”  You just might.

 *Side note – I’m not advocating you try anything illegal, immoral or unethical.

 *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

A message of forgiveness and redemption

Many people are currently discussing the movie, I Can Only Imagine, based on the life of Bart Millard, which was the inspiration for the song by Mercy Me.  I would put forth that, while this is a story of an abusive husband/father, the true story is the message of forgiveness and redemption.

 Jim and I saw the movie this week, with our small group Bible study friends.  I had been told it was a real tear-jerker, which I avoid at all costs.  I was thankful that it did not cause me to shed tears.  Thankful because it was not a story I could relate to.  Thankful that I do not have a physically abusive father or husband.  And yet…

 I would venture to say that most of us have people in our lives that have had a less than positive impact on us.  People who we allowed to get into our heads and start to doubt ourselves.  It may have been a family member, a classmate, a co-worker, neighbor, or even someone from church.  People who allowed you to believe:

·         You aren’t good enough

·         You aren’t pretty enough

·         You have no talent

·         You have no value

·         You are worthless

·         You will never amount to anything

·         It’s your fault

·         “Loser”

Those things can get in your head and you start to believe them yourself.  Even when you think you’ve “shown them” and are doing well, it’s amazing how the negatives can come creeping back into your head at really inconvenient times.

 In the movie, Bart’s dad feels guilt about his abusiveness and asks for forgiveness, from God and from Bart.  Bart quickly claims God has forgiven him, but he can’t.  Holding on to that anger and hatred could cause the person not being forgiven to continue to feel sad and guilty; at the same time it holds the person who is still angry in its clutches as well.  Seems to me if you truly want to be free of the pain someone else caused you, you need to forgive them.  We’ve had this discussion before.  You can’t move forward positively until you come to terms with your past.

 Once you have forgiven the person who wronged you (not saying what they did was okay, but saying you are not going to let it eat you up anymore), then redemption comes into the mix.  The person may choose to try and make amends for the wrong they have done you.  You don’t have to let them back into your life, but you can if you choose to and it’s a healthy relationship at this point.

 The movie had a closing screen that showed a resource for those who have questions about faith, forgiveness, and God.  It also showed a helpline for those who are being, or have been, abused.  While I thought I Can Only Imagine was a great movie with a powerful message, I believe this information could be the most important for people to know about.  I am including it here, in case it may be of benefit to you or someone you know.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach.