The world is your ashtray

Many years ago, before people really understood the dangers of smoking…

·         lots of people smoked cigarettes.

·         cars had ashtrays, sometimes multiple ashtrays.

·         people emptied their ashtrays into a trash bag and threw the bag in a trash can.

 WHAT?!  Cars had ashtrays?

They sure did.  There was always one in the front console.  There was often one in the back console, for those riders in the back seat.  Some vehicles even had ashtrays in the arms rests!

The ashtrays could be popped out, so they could be emptied and the cigarette butts thrown away.

 Sometime around 1980, people started getting lazy.  I can remember being at a store parking lot and seeing where someone had dumped their ashtray out on the ground beside their car and driven off.  What a disgusting mess.

 Of course, cigarettes then became persona non grata (so to speak) and smoking was frowned upon. Second hand smoke became a big deal and it was made illegal to smoke in many public places.  It started with designated smoking areas, but now I think people just go outside anywhere for a quick butt.  (*Please note, I’m not saying I disagree with all the regulation about smoking.  Smoking is bad for your health.  I’m just giving a slight timeline of how the world became your ashtray.)

 As less and less people were smokers, passengers in cars didn’t want the drivers smoking with the windows up.  And here is where the world became your ashtray.  When people are smoking with their window down, and they finish the cigarette, what do most people do?  That’s right.  They flick the butt away from their car onto the ground.  Many people who are outside smoking, just flick their cigarette on the ground.  It’s become SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) and it’s disgusting.

 I get really annoyed when I find cigarette butts on my lawn.  I get nervous when I am driving by someone who flicks their butt out and it comes close to the open window of MY car.

 I’d like to say its pure laziness, but I don’t think my car has an ashtray.  Maybe to cut down on people smoking automobile manufacturers quit installing them?  Of course, there’s no excuse for people outside to just fling their butts.  Maybe they should have “butt stations” or public ashtrays, like they have “dog poop stations.” 

 While looking for information on how long it takes the filter of a cigarette to decompose (18 months to 10 years) I found this great article about how cigarette butts are polluting the earth.  Check it out… https://www.verywell.com/world-cigarette-litter-facts-that-will-shock-you-2824735

It's Veteran’s Day

Nationally, we set aside November 11^th to honor veterans every year.

What IS a veteran?

The dictionary states: A veteran is a person who has had long service or experience in a particular occupation or field.

Typically, when we think of a veteran, we think of a military veteran.  So what is a military veteran?

FEDERAL DEFINITION: under Federal Law a VETERAN is any person, who served honorably on active duty in the armed forces of the United States. (Discharges marked GENERAL AND UNDER HONORABLE CONDITIONS also qualify.)

What is the purpose of Veteran’s Day?

Veterans Day is a celebration to honor America's veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

People often remember those who gave their lives for our country on Veteran’s Day.  That is a very sweet thing to do, however we have set Memorial Day aside as a day to remember our service members who gave the ultimate sacrifice.  Veteran’s Day is to honor the living and thank the members of our armed forces for their willingness to lay down their lives for the lives of others.

{John 15:13. (KJV).Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.}

Of course, we really should be remembering our heroes, both dead and alive every day, not just on their “designated day.”

Along with the members of our armed forces, I would suggest that we remember and honor the sacrifices their families make every day.  A military family is a different breed. 

·         They know the very real fear that their loved one may not return form a deployment.

·         Most move every three years, making it difficult to maintain long term friendships.

·         Home is where you happen to be sleeping that night.  A hotel is “home” when you’re on vacation.

·         There is pride for our country not often evident in today’s society.

·         The National Anthem can make them cry (and they would never consider talking while it is being played).

Oh, I could go on.  You see, I am a military family member.  My dad and youngest son are Veterans.  I have many friends who are veterans and military family members.  Yes, we are a different breed – and proud of it!  Grin.

November 11^th is Veteran’s Day.  The month of November is National Military Family Appreciation Month.  I would like to personally thank all of our veterans – and their families. 

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Stress Management Coach, working with military families.*

What are you silently telling everyone?

Your non-verbal body language speaks loud and clear.  From the driver who aggressively flipped the bird at the car in front of me, to the very subtle tweak of an eyebrow by the person eavesdropping on a conversation… What are you silently telling everyone?

 I might even suggest that non-verbal communication is more effective than verbal communication. 

 Our non-verbal, autistic, 9-year old grandson has recently learned very directive pointing.  He can’t say what he wants but he points and then looks at you intently.  Even if you were not looking at him, the intensity of his eyes on you would get you to feel as though someone were looking at you, or trying to get your attention, and you would look around to see who was looking at you.  Then you could see wat he was pointing at.  Silent, but effective.

 The guy flipping the bird and the pointing finger of our grandson are both very obvious body language clues. The subtle eyebrow tweak, may have been done without the “tweaker’s” knowledge.

 I often tell people I would never be good at playing poker.  My thoughts are all over my face.  We recently had a contractor over to give us ideas on a different master bathroom setup.  At one suggestion, the guy said, “judging by the look on your wife’s face, I’m guessing that’s a no.” HA HA!  I had not meant to convey that opinion, but I thought it, and my face, obviously, showed it.

 Let’s think about some obvious non-verbal communications…

·         Smiling

·         Frowning

·         Scowling

·         Making the gagging action

·         Crossed arms

·         Open arms

·         Stomping

·         Thumbs up

·         High five

·         Shaking your head yes or no

·         Making eye contact, or not

·         Waving (a gentle “hi” or a frantic “HELP”)

·         Sign Language

There are many body motions and/or facial expressions that can silently tell everyone what you’re thinking.

 We have to be careful how our actions are seen.  I once made a motion with my hand crossing in front of my throat – the one that I believe typically means “cut” (meaning “stop”) and one little boy frantically asked if I was going to cut his throat.  AH!  No, that was not what I meant.  Guess he’d been watching scary movies.

 Like many of you, I need to be more aware of what my body language is telling people.  And, like many of you, I am a work in progress.  Let’s all work on being more aware of what we are silently telling everyone.

 *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian LifeCoach, in the Raleigh area.*

Connor telling Gramps he wants him to jump with him on the trampoline.

Have a Safe Halloween

I won't put out another blog before the 31st and I thought this might be good information...
Tuesday is Halloween.  Always a fun night, unless you’re Charlie Brown… “I got a rock.” 
Here are some interesting Halloween facts for you:

·         The word Halloween is a shortening of All Hallows’ Evening also known as Hallowe’en or All Hallows’ Eve.

·         Halloween has its origins in the ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain (pronounced “sah-win”).

·         The ancient Gaels believed that on October 31, the boundaries between the worlds of the living and the dead overlapped and the deceased would come back to life and cause havoc.

·         Masks and costumes were worn in an attempt to mimic the evil spirits or appease them.

·         Trick-or-treating resembles the late medieval practice of “souling,” when poor folk would go door to door on Hallowmas (November 1), receiving food in return for prayers for the dead on All Souls Day (November 2).

Of course, the times have changed since I was a child.  We used to make popcorn balls to hand out. People used to give fresh fruit.  That was until some evil person decided to put a razor blade in an apple and poison in homemade products.


Nowadays, people only give pre-packaged items and children have everything inspected before they can eat it.  Of course, a wise child will have an adult with them for on-the-spot inspections for immediate consumption, right?!


I suppose the way the world is going these days, it is best to err on the side of caution.  Halloween is the perfect opportunity for evil hearted people to do unsavory things.  Below is a safety tips chart put out by the Red Cross…

Remember, have fun with your friends, but… Stay Safe!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Are your “seeds” producing the desired “fruit"

I have to say, I am quite pleased that I am still able to pick fresh fruit and vegetables out of our garden.  With that in mind, I got to thinking about the question, “Are your “seeds” producing the desired “fruit?”

You’ve probably heard the term, “You reap what you sow.” Let’s face it, if you plant tomato seeds you aren’t going to pick apples from those plants. BUT the type of tomatoes you grow absolutely depends on the seed, and the quality of the tomatoes depend on how you care for the seed as it grows into a plant.

Now let look at the “seed” as a project, dream, or goal you are working on.

First you had to decide what type of “seed” you wanted to grow.  Then you planted the seed to start it growing.  Some people are natural gardeners and can plant the seed, walk away and it just grows on its own.  Most of us have to work with it to get the desired results.

You’ll need to spend time working on your garden (project, dream, or goal).  It will need …

•             water and sunshine (daily tending)

•             weeding (getting rid of the unnecessary time wasters)

•             fertilizing (an extra effort every now and then)

•             pruning (cutting out the things that aren’t working, so the ones that are can grow better)

•             repotting (as you project, dream, or goal grow, it can grow bigger or be reproduced)

•             harvesting (experience the success of your project, dream, or goal)

•             enjoyment (bask in the “fruit” of your labors and share it with others)

Sometimes the plant just doesn’t produce as well as you had hoped.  That’s okay, learn from what didn’t work and start again with some new methods that could work.

Happy harvesting!

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach in the Raleigh area.*

Get Over Yourself

 What did I just say?  You heard me, but I could phrase it maybe a little nicer. We need to get over ourselves.  I could even make it very personal, I need to get over myself.  No matter how I phrase it, the fact remains.

 I was having a conversation with a friend when they made the comment… Do we let this ruin our family relationships, or do we just get over ourselves and love unconditionally?  They weren’t asking me.  It was a question the couple had asked themselves about some family drama.

 I was floored by the comment.  It was so eye-opening.  Can it be as simple as, “Get Over Yourself?”  Perhaps so!  Although, as I’ve heard, and said, before… simple doesn’t mean easy.

 Did you notice I mentioned “family drama?”  If you have never experienced family drama, consider yourself blessed.  Most of you know what I am talking about.  It could be something minor like, so & so said such & such about whatever. It could be as major as a divorce, or a death, in the family.

 No matter the cause, family drama has a way of tearing families apart.  People can say horrible things to each other in the heat of the moment, especially if they are trying to prove their superiority over the other person.

 If some of us are completely honest, we aren’t particularly close to (maybe not even fond of) some of our family members.  That doesn’t mean you let the family fall apart.  You are family.  That means something.

 A wise friend once told me, “It’s not worth ruining the relationship over.”  I have shared that tidbit of wisdom with many people in the last decade or so.

 Let’s take a quick look at why we may be experiencing family drama.  I believe it happens when one or more people…

·         Must prove their idea is the best

·         Believe they are correct in their thoughts or actions

·         Think they have the best way to do something

·         Feel self-righteous about lifestyle choices

·         Insist they know what the ill or deceased person wanted

·         Any number of other scenarios…

Do you see a pattern? 

 What might happen if, instead of the negative drama and people insisting they know best, you (me,we,they,everybody) simply “Get Over Yourself?”  If we all realized that preserving the relationship is more important than being right, more families would enjoy great relationships. 

 For those families who seem to thrive on drama, it could take some time to get everybody on the same page. 

Start by:

Remembering you are family

Forgiving past hurts

Conversing calmly

Agree to disagree

Repeat the above steps as many times as needed

 And then… Get Over Yourself!           

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

Wondering leads to learning

I recently posted a PINTEREST picture/quote by Gandhi that says, "Persistent questioning and healthy inquisitiveness are the first requisite for acquiring learning of any kind."

 What types of persistent questions are we asking to gain understanding?

Typically…

·         What

·         Why

·         Who

·         When

·         Where

·         How

Your basic questions for information and problem solving, the “5 W’s” and how.

 I think all of those inquisitive questions could begin with “I wonder…”  Especially what, why, and how.  Who, when and where are probably part of a hypothesis (the inquisitive question) but the first three are the main drivers.

 Just think.  Where would the medical community be without people asking, “How can we cure (name a disease)?”  What about the environmental folks asking, “Why is this happening?”  How cool is it when the artistic community asks, “What happens when we put these elements together?”

 It’s the wonderers, the dreamers, the people that are persistently questioning, that are advancing things in this world. 

 If you know someone who fits this category, encourage them.  Many times, these people tend to be a little quirky.  They may not fit into the box that society tries to close them into.  As long as they are exhibiting healthy inquisitiveness, let them work outside of the box.  That’s where new ideas are found.

 Let’s not crush the spirit of the wonderer, they could be the next Benjamin Franklin! He invented of the stove, bifocals, and the lightning rod, among other things.  To bring it to more modern times, the wonderer may be the next Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Oprah Winfrey or Bono.

 Whether the persistent questioner is interested in math, science, technology, art, music, food, or humanitarian missions, we need those people to wonder and to enjoy the freedom to explore their healthy inquisitiveness.

 Yes, wondering leads to learning.  Hopefully, what the wonderer has learned, they will share with others.  For it is only by this method that we, the world, can truly benefit by changing for the positive and encouraging others to do the same.