Stop bundling

I do not understand all the hatred in the world!  People hate someone because of

·         Skin color

·         ancestral background

·         ethnicity

·         job

·         religion

·         culture

·         weight

·         intelligence

·         wealth

·         and more

 Why?

Am I better than you, or you better than me, because of the way we look, the way we were raised, or our chosen career path?

If you had to take a minute to think about this, you are part of the problem.  The answer is NO!

Now, if you harmed me (or my family) in some fashion (physical, emotional, socially, etc.)  I would certainly have an issue with you, but I would not take that issue and transfer it to everyone who is similar to you.  That’s ridiculous.

To hate, dislike, discriminate, (whatever word you choose) an entire group of people because a few of their numbers are extremists is not the way to live your life.  Hate only breeds hate.  How can we make a better world for our kids/grandkids if we continue to teach them to hate their fellow man/woman?

Remember Romeo and Juliet?  They were sworn enemies because of the families they were born in to.  A tragic ending for a silly reason.

How about the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s?  Same thing.  Generations of hatred just because of who the family was, not who the individual people were.

The Civil War and the German extermination of Jewish people are more examples of hatred of an entire group of people.

At the risk of being politically incorrect, are the above well know rivalries any more tragic than the things we hear in the news these days?

·         White’s hate Blacks

·         Blacks hate Southerners

·         Americans hate Muslims

·         Poor people hate rich people

·         ISIS hates everybody who is not like them

·         And many more scenario’s that you could add here.

Except for the ISIS statement, the rest of these are blanket statements that are just ridiculous.  Yes, there are SOME people who are complete jerks, but to lump an entire group of people like them together and start hating the entire group is just wrong.  We should not be judging an entire group of people on the actions of a few.

As Donnie Osmond sang, “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, Girl.”  I suppose if you leave the bad apple in the barrel, it will affect those around it and spoil them, too.  That’s still just one barrel.  But, take heed, if you are hanging around with people who are spewing hatred it would be a good idea to distance yourself from them.  As speaker Jim Rohn says, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”  So, unless you want to become an extremist stay as far away from hate filled people as you can.

Less hatred in this world should be a goal for everyone. 

1 Corinthians 13:13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

While waiting in line

I was a part of two different lines today with two very different outcomes.

 I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, waiting, sigh.  In the express line next to my line, an elderly couple rolled up.

 I had seen them in the aisles and thought what a sweet couple.   The man was riding a motored cart and his wife was holding on to a rope (which had been wrapped around the motored cart) and being pulled behind him in her wheelchair.  He had the basket that was part of the cart and she was holding a small hand carry basket in her lap.  I thought, what a devoted pair they must be.

 When they pulled up in the line next to mine the same thought crossed my mind.  I smiled and continued waiting, sigh.  After looking at the time on my phone, I looked up to see a woman who was two carts ahead of me in line had loaded her items on the conveyor belt and stepped over to the next line to assist the elderly couple with the unloading of their baskets.  I was so impressed, and a little embarrassed that I hadn’t thought to do that.  Good for her!

 Moving forward in time, I was in a car line, waiting for the light to turn green.  This red car passed me to get into the right hand lane.  That lane turns into a right turn only lane, but there are plenty of people who get into that lane only to try to get ahead of the people going straight by cutting back into the straight line in front of people.  Argh.  I believe intentionally cutting in a car line is just as rude as cutting in front of people standing in a line.

 Of course, someone ahead of me let the red car cut in. Sigh. I went back to singing to the radio, and shortly found myself directly behind the red car that had passed me.  We come to another red light.  This time with two left hand turn lanes with the right lane turning into a right turn only lane.  Yup, the red car pulled into the lane that will end up having to go right.  The light turns green, she speeds up and cuts back into the lane that goes straight, about five cars ahead of me.  Okay, if we give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she had an emergency.  I happen to think this is just her standard way of driving.  The “me” first mentality.

 Would you rather see the “you first” behavior of the lady who helped the elderly couple, or the “me first” behavior of the lady in the red car?  I know how I would answer that.

 Now think for just a minute… would you rather BE the “you first” behavior of the lady who helped the elderly couple, or the “me first” behavior of the lady in the red car? 

 I hope you would prefer the “you first” behavior. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all preferred the “you first” behavior?  Something to think about.

  *Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

The Drama Train

I have written about drama before… http://newdirectionlifecoaching.com/strife-happens/ … but I see it often.

 Over-reacting or overly dramatic responses can ruin any occasion, whether it’s a

·         Family event

·         Friendly get together

·         Typical day at the office

·         School day

·         Phone call

 Once someone makes the leap from “cool and collected” to “overly dramatic,” things start to go downhill.  Depending on the other people involved, things may even escalate.  Much like the phrase, “Misery loves company,” people who love drama will quickly jump on the “drama train” and ride it as far as it will go.

 Those of us who prefer not to be involved in drama often, very wisely, just walk away from the situation and let it run its course without us.  I recently observed a couple of situations that started to get a little crazy.  I saw one young man, at both instances, sitting off to the side.  The first day, I walked by him and said “Wise man.”  He just grinned.  The second day, I said “Wise man, again.”  He smiled and said “Yup.”

 What about the times when the drama train gets rolling and someone yanks you onto it?   You really only have two choices…

1.       Join the fray and ride the drama train to the end

2.       Look for the first available opportunity to get off

 Let’s talk about option two, because, if you’re someone who enjoys drama, you’re cool with option one.

 Here are a few ways you can get out of the middle of a dramatic situation…

·         Decide to try to calm down the people involved, although this could backfire, focusing on areas of agreement

·         Offer to take one party somewhere else until everyone has calmed down

·         Walk away, literally, just refuse to engage; unless of course you are responsible for the outcomes

I try to avoid drama whenever possible.  I find my life to be much less stressful that way. 

 *Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

Thankful for good brakes

We were recently at a local favorite ice cream shop in Newport, Vermont. 

 It is located on the main street of town, on the corner of a parking lot.  The seating for the customers in in a section of the parking lot.  To get to it, you have to cross the entrance area into the parking lot.

 It was a very busy night, the tables and benches were all full and children were everywhere.  All of a sudden a green car whipped around the corner, from the street into the parking lot and slammed on its brakes.  My mom and I happened to be facing the direction of the parking entrance and immediately took in the situation.

 There had been a grandfather, son, and young daughter over by the edge of the building.  While the two men were chatting, the little girl had wandered just a bit too far into the entranceway… and the car almost hit her.  I can tell you, we were all thankful for good brakes!

 When the car came to a sudden stop, the two men looked up and realized that the little girl had almost gotten hit.  They were shocked.  The father scooped up his daughter and the grandfather, waved and said “I’m sorry” to the driver. 

 As the car moved slowly into the parking lot, I could see the daddy explaining to his daughter about road safety and cars.  She was only three or so.  I’m not sure she quite grasped the concept of what had just happened.

 I was watching for the driver to head over to the ice cream shop.  I considered going over to thank him for his keen observation skills and quick reactions.  It was a few minutes before I saw him.  He and his girlfriend approached the men to ask if the little girl was okay.  Then he shook both of their hands and the pair went to the ice cream window.

 The driver was visibly shook up.  It must have been a very scary moment for him and probably took those few minutes to get himself together.  Can you imagine?  This story could have had a much different ending.

 It’s the height of summer.  Children sometimes are so wrapped up in being kids and enjoying themselves that they are not aware of the dangers around them.  It is up to the adults to ensure the safety of the children in our lives. 

·         Parents: keep a close eye on your children.  Help them stay safe.

·         Drivers: stay alert.  You never know when a child might step out in front on your car.

 We are all thankful that the driver of the green car was looking where he was going and that his car had good brakes.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Parenting Coach in the Raleigh area.*

In the out door

Do you ever try to exit a building, through the exit door, only to have to wait for people coming IN the out door to clear the doorway?  I actually watched someone walk past the entrance to go in the out door.  What is up with that?

 I’ll admit, I have been accused of being a “rule follower.”  Although, if you asked my parents about my teen/early twenties years they would tell you I was not a rule follower then.  Now, yes, I tend to follow the rules.  I certainly go in the entrance and out the exit doors.  If everyone used the proper doors in the proper flow there would be much less backup at doorways. 

 My question is… Why can’t people use the proper door?  Is it because

·         People are too busy to pay attention

On their phones

Deep in conversation

·         Some people just don’t care

About anyone other than themselves

How their actions might affect others

·         The rules don’t apply to everyone

Especially them

Entitlement?

 If it’s because people are too busy to pay attention, that could actually be dangerous.  If we aren’t paying attention to where we are walking we could trip, fall and get hurt.  People also might walk into something, or someone, or even in front of a car.  Please pay attention to your surroundings.

 If it’s because people don’t care, that’s not good either.  We should care about our actions, and be responsible for them.  We should care about other people and if they are doing okay.  We could use more caring people in the world these days.

 The idea that the rules don’t apply to everyone is just plain incorrect.  It may seem that way sometimes, but there are consequences (good or bad) for our actions.

 This may seem to be a blog about foot traffic patterns, but in reality, this behavior may be happening in other areas of your life too.  You see, it’s a mindset that makes it okay to go in the out door.

 If you happen to recognize yourself as someone who goes in the out door, or whatever door they want, maybe it’s time to reconsider your travel path.  Just sayin’.

*PamHorton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

Safety in numbers

Back when I was in my late teens/early twenties (many moons ago), I lived in a city and walked to and from work.  Depending on which job I was going to, it may have been in daylight or it may have been in the wee hours of the morning.  Most times it was just me, myself, and I walking to work alone.

The times they are a changin’!  There is no stinkin’ way I would walk anywhere alone these days, night or day.  The world has become a more dangerous place since I was a teenager.  I always advise people, young or old, to have a friend with them.  I mean, if the military insists on their folks having a “buddy” when they go places, civilians SURE oughta.

A while back, I was out in the yard and heard quite a ruckus overhead.  I witnessed a larger bird seemingly trying to get into a tree that had a nest in it.  I would guess the nest didn’t belong to the big bird, because two smaller birds were attempting to chase the big bird away.

This went on for a couple of minutes.  The smaller pair was successful at keeping the bigger bird away from the tree, but the big bird kept coming back and trying to get into the tree.  Eventually, another 4 (or so) smaller birds joined the fray and they were finally successful in chasing the bigger bird away.  He didn’t come back the entire time I was outside, that day anyway.

My first thought was, “Wow, will ya look at that!  The big bird was chased away by the smaller birds.  I have to blog about their being safety in numbers.”  It’s true, since I put out a weekly blog, I am always thinking of how something I saw, or did, can be put into a blog for the benefit of others.

There you have it, my beneficial insight for this week…

Remember, even if you are the smaller creature, you can conquer the giant in your life.  Get some trusted friends and go after it.  There is safety in numbers.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

The grass is always greener…

This is a picture (as taken) of my parent’s property, in Vermont.  Jim and I both remarked, “Look how green everything is!”

Then we discussed how much rain they have had this spring.  They’ve had so much rain, and cool temperatures, this past May/June that they seldom had the opportunity to mow the grass. To look at the picture though, it’s wonderful.

How often do we have a “the grass is greener over there” thought?  We all do it.  We compare what we have to what others have and find ourselves lacking.  What we seldom stop to think about is the work, hardship, or diligence that probably went into that person’s “greener grass.”

Yes, there are those lucky few who were born with a silver spoon in their mouths; everything seems to go their way.  Even those people have to work to maintain what they have.  How many rich and/or famous people have squandered their resources by poor judgement?  Lots.

The rest of us have to work to get what we need or want.  Many times the person with the greener grass has learned the value of hard work, or patience, or maybe the recovery from hard knocks that life can throw at you.

Let’s not be envious, jealous, or angry about our neighbors “greener grass.”  Let’s rejoice with them for the things that are going good with them.  If you would like to have “greener grass,” go ahead and ask them how they achieved the thing you would like to achieve as well.  Chances are they’d be happy to share their knowledge with you.

If you happen to be the person with the greener grass, share your knowledge when someone asks for assistance.  Even if all you did was do things inside for two months because it rained so much.  You endured with patience.  It could be the person you are talking to is going through their own storm right now and knowing they can endure it with patience and, eventually, the storm will pass and the sun will come out may be exactly what they need to hear. 

You just never know what people are going through when you talk with them.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*