Everyone Starts at the Beginning

Remember learning how to ride a bike, or roller skate, or swim?  Maybe for you it was learning to write your numbers and letters, or type on a keypad, or use a smart phone.  We could even take it to the very basics of learning to walk and talk, we all had to do that.

The point is, everyone starts at the beginning of something.  When you learn something new, you aren’t an expert, you’re a beginner. 

Some people get embarrassed about their inability to achieve perfection when they are first learning something.  There is absolutely no need for embarrassment.  Chances are, the person teaching you was in the same situation you find yourself in… a beginner… learning to become better.

Of course, the flip side of that is some people get frustrated when they are partnered with a beginner.  They seem to have forgotten that everyone starts at the beginning, even them.  These folks tend to get upset when paired with a newbie in a sporting event, because they are so focused on winning.  They might get angry having to wait behind someone who is using some technology equipment, because they are in a hurry, or just plain impatient.

Sometimes it helps to remind them that they had to learn it at one time, too.

If you are dealing with a beginner, in whatever capacity, here are a few tips to help alleviate their embarrassment and your frustration…

·         Be patient

·         Be kind

·         Explain things as often as needed

·         Check for understanding

·         Ask if they have any questions

·         Let them try it

·         Assist them, don’t do it for them

·         Take it at their pace, not yours

·         Gently guide and encourage

·         Expect beginner level results

·         Remember that you were once a beginner

If you are just learning something, give yourself some time.  Most people don’t become experts overnight, or even in a week, or possibly a month.  Remember, everyone starts at the beginning, and practice makes perfect.

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

Keeping Commitments

“Will you keep this commitment?” I think this is a valid question.  I find that people can’t, don’t, or won’t keep the commitments they have made.  Whether it’s to a

·         spouse

·         job

·         organization

·         parent

·         child

·         or friend

Many times people seem to have a hard time keeping a commitment.

Let’s take a look at the definition of commitment…

a pledge or promise; obligation.  Also, engagement; involvement
Dictionary.com says the word is a noun, (so it’s a thing, which means it requires an action). 
You make a pledge or a promise which then obligates you to engagement or involvement.

Okay, I’ll agree with that.  Perhaps even more simply put… A commitment is actually doing what you said you were going to do.

You know, I’ll be the first one to say that “life happens.”  Things come up and they are in conflict with another commitment we have made.  That’s when priorities comes into play.  I will also be the first one to say “family first,” meaning that my family takes priority.  However, that is still not an excuse not to honor your commitment.

Here are some steps to follow if you discover a conflict in your schedule…

·         Let someone know ASAP

·         Try to get someone to cover for you

·         Ask for assistance in getting someone to cover for you

·         Cancel your commitment well ahead of the day and time it is to happen

It is certainly understandable when emergencies happen that you have to cancel, even at the last minute.  Please make sure that you, or someone you’ve asked to help you, let’s all people involved know the event has been cancelled.

I see absolutely no reason that something a person has known about for days, or longer, gets cancelled at the last minute.  Or, that people just drop out of a commitment, or even worse, are a no call/no show for no reason other than they didn’t feel like it.   Yup, pet peeve.

One last comment, if you aren’t positive you can keep the commitment to ____(fill in the blank)____ at least 90% of the time, don’t make it!  It’s tough on relationships when you let people down.

Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

When you open up

While volunteering at church, recently, I was almost brought to tears by a young man who shared just a brief snippet of his story.  He hadn’t been to church in about 19 years and was compelled to attend that day.  He was so excited about what he had heard that he was suddenly “all in.”  He wanted information about all the things going on in the church and said he would be back the next weekend, and bring a friend.  I love it when a prodigal returns.

I watched a movie the other night, don’t even recall the name of it (it wasn’t that great) that touched on the topic of opening up.  The supposed theory was that when you open up, you see the energy and beauty that has been all around you, you just never noticed it before. 

I do believe that when you “let go” you are open to receive.  As an example, if you have a closed hand, or an angry fist, you can’t shake the hand of someone new you meet.  Or, how about water?  Try to hold life giving water with a closed hand.  It is only with an open hand (fingers close together) can we even begin to hold water.  No one can give you something (good or bad) if your hands are closed.

Our minds are the same way.  If you are not open to learning new things, nothing will ever change to you.

Unfortunately, it is the same with our emotions.  I say “unfortunately” because like many of you, I don’t like to show unpleasant emotion.  I try not to get angry, anxious, or tearful.  I am not a cute crier and crying gives me a headache, so I avoid it as much as possible.

And yet… when I allowed that young man’s story to touch my heart, I was overcome with joy.

Sure, when you open up your run the risk of being hurt.  Many of us have experienced deep emotional hurt and, well… it hurts.  So, of course, we try to avoid it.  And yet… much like the closed fist example, if we close off our emotions we are not able to experience the energy and beauty that exists around us.

If you have had the door closed on your emotions, I suggest you turn the knob and allow the door to open, just a crack.  No one would expect you to swing that door wide open after having it closed for so long.  Just a crack, let yourself have a peek at the joy you could be experiencing.  Open it a little more each week, until you are comfortable leaving it open.  When you experience a setback, resist the urge to slam the door closed.  Absolutely, close it some, but always leave it cracked and able to be easily reopened.

Remember, it is only when you open up that you can truly experience the joy that comes from seeing the energy and beauty around you.

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

It’s all in the perspective

What do you see when you look at this picture. 

A student handed this to me and asked me to cut it out for him.  Shortly after, another student asked if he could have a mustache, too. I was surprised at the question.  I had actually thought this was angel’s wings.  Interesting.

When I asked another adult in the room what she saw, she said “The Lorax’s mustache.”  Oh.  I chuckled and told her I thought it was angel’s wings.  She said. “It’s all in the perspective and that is a positive perspective.  I love that about you.”

I found the entire conversation rather interesting, and realized she was right.  What you see in the above picture is a matter of perspective.  I asked another adult what they saw and they said, “A hay pile.”  Okay.  Maybe they work with animals or live on a farm.  Perspective.

It’s rather like the question, “Is the glass half full or half empty?”  Some might even say it’s completely full, because air is filling the parts that water isn’t. Perspective.

Have you heard the story about the brothers Christmas gifts?  One received and entire room full of gifts yet was not happy with anything he had gotten.  The other brother was escorted into a room full of manure and excitedly started shoveling.  “There must be a pony in here somewhere!”  Perspective.

Which person are you in each of these stories?  Are you the one looking at the positive side of things, or at least trying to, or are you the one who mostly sees the negative in things?

Studies show that positive people tend to be happier people, with less stress.  Why is that?  My guess would be hope.

When someone sees mostly the negative, they have little hope that things will improve.  Life is just a bummer, something to get through.  They expect that every day is going to be filled with negativity.

When someone choses to focus on the positive aspect of life, they tend to look for the joy in everything.  For example, our washing machine recently broke midway through laundry day.  We are thankful that we had already washed our socks and underwear! 

Often, we can see a different perspective once it has been pointed out to us.  Seeing the positive aspect first can take a little practice, but it can be done.  Try it.  You’ll be surprised what a difference it can make in your life.

Go ahead, look at the picture again.  You see angel wings, don’t you?  Grin.

*Pam Horton is a certified Stress Management coach in the Raleigh area.*

Why is Friday Good?

Today is “Good Friday.”  The day that Jesus was crucified.  This is a fact.  You can look up the historical documentation.

For those who consider themselves to be of the Christian Faith, it is the day Jesus Christ willingly went to his death after being betrayed, denied, flogged, beaten, and carrying his own cross up to the place of his crucifixion.  And we call this “good”?!

I struggled with this concept, in the past.  How could something so horrible be considered “good?”  Perhaps you have wondered the same thing.

In my studying and fellowship with other Christians, I have increased my understanding of the events that happened so long ago.  Biblical, as well as historical, accounts describe the vicious events quite vividly.  However, the prophets of the Bible make mention of this event thousands of years before it takes place.  It was foretold.  All of it.  The birth, death, and resurrection were documented and expected.

We used to sing a song about being washed in the blood of the Lamb, and I remember thinking how disgusting that must be.  However, by His stripes we are healed, His blood makes us white as snow.  Confusing contradictions?  Sounds like it. 

Yet, way back in the Old Testament, God required a sacrifice of an unblemished animal, often a Lamb, to atone for the sins of His people.  Ultimately, Jesus Christ was that sacrifice for all mankind.  The blood of an unblemished (perfect) animal (Jesus) was shed so that we (you and I) would have our sins washed away (by His blood) and be cleansed of our sins.

That brings us back to “Why is Friday Good?”  It still sounds horrible, and we grieve for the pain Jesus endured.  Yes, He suffered.  He suffered immensely as all the sins of the world were placed on His shoulders and He felt that burden, but He took it all willingly, because of his love for us (all of us).  It is “good” because through the death (and later resurrection) of Jesus Christ, we have the opportunity to spend eternity in heaven.

It is “good” because it is now Friday, but we know Sunday is coming.  Resurrection Sunday (Easter) is the day that Jesus Christ defeated sin and death and rose again.  This is the ultimate “good news” but the process begins on Good Friday.

I wish you many blessings this Easter weekend.  On this Good Friday, I look ahead to Easter Sunday when we can say “He is risen!”

*Pam Horton is a Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, in the Raleigh area.*

April is always my passion month.

It seems like every month highlights at least a dozen different causes.

I have four things I am passionate about.
• Military Families
• Autism Early Education
• Hurting Teens/Twenty-somethings
• Encouraging others

The month of April has (among others)…
• Autism Awareness
• Month of the Military Child
• Child Abuse Prevention

The month of April also has National Tartan Day, on the 6th, for those of us with Scottish ancestry. Just sayin’.

Of course, June is PTSD Awareness and November is Military Family Appreciation month, but April holds most of my passions in the same month, so you will probably see lots of things on my social media pages this month about Autism and Military brats (once a brat always a brat – HOOAH!). Although, that’s probably not any different than any other month, right?

Besides being active in the Autism community and the Military community, I have written some books that help increase awareness about autism and give hope to those who feel stuck in their current situations.

I believe it is good to support a cause you are passionate about. It helps us get out of our own little world to help and encourage others.

How about you? What causes do you support? What are you passionate about?

*Pam Horton is the coordinator of the Military Family Ministry at Hope Community Church in Raleigh.*

If you happen to be interested in learning more about the books I’ve written…

The Decision to Change is a light and easy read.  It is designed to encourage the reader that a person can, indeed, make a decision to change their current circumstances. 

Autism: Expressions of a non-verbalchild gives the reader a glimpse into the life of her non-verbal autistic grandson. Pam spent many years working with special needs students. That training has equipped her to knowledgably assist her family in getting the services her non-verbal autistic grandson needs.

Rory’s Story: Having an autisticbrother was completely directed by six year old Rory Munt.. This is a sometimes funny, sometimes off-topic, and sometimes quite honest, personal look at what it’s like to be six and have a younger brother diagnosed with severe non-verbal autism.

Being new to this particular blog site, I find it interesting that a picture I posted with last week's blog showed up as the picture to this week's blog.  Am uploading a different picture here to see if it changes the picture that shows up with the blog link.  Just testing...